Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Finally found my password

So, since May I have traveled to New York, Seattle, Alaska, Cocoa Beach and Atlanta. Wonderful places to visit. I noticed a few problems with my daily food. First, traveling means I usually do not measure my consumption, which may be fine for a weekend but it is dangerous if it goes on for more than 2 days, Another issue is that I have had to remove a few more foods from my food plan - meaning that I find I cannot consume these foods without them leading me into trouble with quantity and perhaps the desire to use them as segues into foods I already know I cannot control. In the past month I have removed peanut butter from my plan. It has been more than 2 weeks and it is fine. 
While I was in Seattle I found at Whole Foods a HFCS free, Milk fat free cookie dough. Guess what - I want to eat the whole thing. I do not want to stop as a serving or two. I admit it is a problem and it is no longer going to be something I eat. But what in it was causing me problems? I figured it was either chocolate or sugar or both together. I do not know.
Then I found I did not want to stop at one serving of fat free Edys frozen chocolate soft serve yogurt. No sugar - but it did have chocolate. So I thought I needed to give up chocolate. Then this Sunday I overdid it with fat free, no HFCS sherbet. Now I have to consider that I have reached the point where sugar is now an issue. On Monday the sherbet was not enough. I wanted the cookie dough too. I do know it is a problem because I went so far as to hide what I was buying from my family and then I ate it in the dark of my bedroom, alone, with the door locked and hid the wrapping. This is a compulsive eating behavior. This gives me shame and self loathing. I need to be gentle with myself but I can never be gentle with my disease and THIS IS A DISEASE. 
Yesterday I committed to adding sugar to my no list. The list is now sugar, HFCS, Milk Fat, and breaded-fried foods. Yes, this includes taking out Chick-Fil-A. Bummer. I can still have ff/sf yogurt and life is good.
I will weigh in on August 1st. It I am no more than 173 it will be a good summer so far. Yes, I want to loose more weight but for today I just want to by Keeping The Pounds Off that I have lost so far. Let me concentrate on being well enough today not to gain that back.

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