Friday, August 21, 2009

When I plan to control my life, God laughs

Sometimes, as I get smaller hips and a tinier waist I also get a fat head. When that happens I forget that I need to constantly accept my limitations and remember that as I plan, God laughs. I need to remember that I am not in charge of the universe.

I have had a few days of eating foods that are not on my no list. They have not been on any list because I have just not been eating them for a very, very long time. I had margarine and bread, added eggs and made french toast. I had a full fat burger in the Orlando Ale House with bacon and sauteed onions. One day I had clam strips and onion rings and another day I had fries and buffalo wings. The theme here is FAT. These foods are all high in fat. Was I craving fat? Has my fat intake prior to this been too low lately? I do not know but I do know that digesting these foods leaves me not feeling well. 

I do not know the answer but I do have a basis for discussion. The first morning I accidently grabbed the wrong container of milk and had 2% milk with my coffee. I was not expecting a change in flavor and therefore did not detect one. But from that point on I was hungry for the wrong foods. I believe the milk set me off because it was not fat free and I am addicted to milk fat. Being cognizant of the issue helps but it is not enough. I have to pray for strength, make the decision and then take the action of not picking up foods that lead me back into the pit.

Today has been much better. I continue to pray for the willingness to turn my will over to God, who is loving and accepts me as I am and knows I want to be so much better than I am today.

1 comment:

laurs said...

ooh man i know that feeling. i've been on a very limited budget the last month so my foods have been very restricted. it's a lot of yogurt, a lot of tofu, etc. i think the most cheese i've bought at the supermarket was a round of the laughing cow light onion wedges. and then last thursday night i was stressing out and i caved and bought some snyders flavored pretzel crap. i felt SO ill the next morning. because yeah, i get my carbs, but i get them from my veggies and my yogurt and my fiber one bar in the morning. and onions. the closest thing to pretzels i eat is ramen (every other day, without the sodium chicken bullshit they give you, tossed with tofu) and i just felt so gross. but then i wanted more and so on saturday i had grilled cheese on an everything bagel. sunday i had mcdonalds in the morning. by tuesday, i felt SO gross and i had to eat just yogurt that day to get me feeling right by wednesday. i can't do it anymore. those binges are terrible. and the thing is, hot n crusty makes these AMAZING everything bagels and I want one so bad every minute...but I know it'll make me have cheese and then i'll have butter (I haven't had butter in weeks aside from that 4 days of madness) and then i'll want sugar. i haven't succumbed to the sugar cravings yet. but they're there. but i'm back on track now. eventually (maybe) i'll lose my taste for those bagels....maybe not....but it was the same with bacon and chicken...I really really wanted them and i would eat them on everything (mmm fried) and i knew it had to stop, so I went vegetarian and I've been successful for 234 days. i actually thought about bacon during last week's binge because it was on my mdonald's breakfast and i peeled it off....and i broke off a little piece of it and barely licked it before i spit it out and downed a huge glass of water. it was so gross to me. i couldn't do it. so at least that hasn't suffered from my carbolicious weekend. Sorry...I ramble. I don't remember what my point was.