Sunday, October 3, 2010

A Haunting Tale

Eddie Murphy, commenting on popular horror movies, did a stand up routine asking why when white people enter a home and they realize there is bad stuff there (ghostly voices, blood on the walls), why do the white people not leave? It was a funny routine as I always wondered the same thing when I was a kid and watched a horror film. I would always say that I would never have been in their position because I would know enough to GET OUT.

Yesterday I was in Epcot, setting up an event in the Germany pavilion when I walked into a shop that just two weeks ago was devoted to the sale of Hummel figurines. I was immediately overcome by the scent of melted butter and sugar, caramel and chocolate. The shop had been turned into the a Werther's Confectionery. I was overcome by the seducing scent that filled my nose and closed my eyes to breath it in. I saw there was a connecting doorway into a shop where I could carry out my business but I could not bring myself to leave. I found myself, almost against my will, walking down the line to view the candy making process on display and then slowly walking down the aisle of the display cases to look at each and every freshly made caramel concoction available for purchase. Then I walked around the table displays and shelves looking at attractive packaging with enticing photos of what could be found beneath the foil wrappings. Now I know why the people did not leave the house in Amityville Horror: it must have smelled like caramel and chocolate.

For someone with a food addiction this place is a Little Shop of Horrors. I cannot consume milk fat in any form without triggering the allergy of my mind and the allergy of my body. If I ate anything in that shop I would break out in fat and insanity. I know this. Yet I did not make me flee. There was nothing in that shop for me. There was nothing there more tasty than my sanity and my life. Yet I stayed there longer than I needed to be there.

I prayed the serenity prayer. I cannot change what I know to be true: I cannot sanely eat anything in that shop. I am a food addict, addicted to sugar and milk fat. I asked for the courage to change the things I can. I could force myself to physically leave the shop and make a phone call to someone who would understand that I needed to talk this out or I could ' 'believe that just a bite of one of these items would be enough to satisfy me and make me happy.  That would have been a fatal lie.

I was granted the wisdom to know the difference. I left the shop.

Everything else in the world that is good is waiting for me outside. Another victory in keeping the pounds off.


Anonymous said...

Your blog is beautiful! Please keep sharing the good news!

Anonymous said...

Your blog is beautiful! Please keep sharing the good news!
- Dave from Orlando

Vickie said...

long ago I was in an ice cream shop and there was a very normal looking woman going down the aisles looking at each flavor/container of ice cream in turn. I think she was saying the name of each one, quietly to herself, as she went. When it was our turn to be served, I motioned clerk to the woman and said she was ahead of us. Clerk said - she isn't ordering, she is just looking and then she will leave. I can't remember when this was. So I don't know where I was in my process. But I have wondered about this woman a lot over the years. Obviously the clerk was very familiar with the lady. She was a very average size. My mind did not go to eating disorder behavior then as she was not too much one way or the other. I suspect this was an OCD thing. Shop isn't even there any more, so there is no answer coming.

Jane Cartelli said...

All I know for sure it that lady wasn't me. When I walk into an ice cream shop and start reading off the names I am in hell and do not even know it.