It is possible to live a sane and happy life without the insanity of eating binge foods and obsession over the foods we food addicts cannot eat - whatever those foods are for each individual. It takes rigorous honesty and a dependence on a power greater than myself - whatever I choose that power to be. I will always return to food (or find a new addiction) without both of these things in my life - no matter what else I do, the addiction will take over my life and eventually kill me if I do not stay honest and admit I do not have all the answers.
There is a peace of mind that comes with freedom from the obsession of the mind and the allergy of the body in relation to food. Today I am not feeling it. I have been having the fleeting thought that someday - somehow - I will be able to eat like a normal person: someone who can eat a piece of cake or a slice of pizza and willingly walk away from the rest of the whole and not take more or obsess over having more again the next day or every Saturday or only on holidays with an R in the month . . . .
Most of the time I accept what I am: a food addict and compulsive overeater, in recovery only as long as I stay willing to live my life with honestly and acceptance. But today is different. Today I hate that I can never be 'normal.' I need to share my thoughts and feelings with my support system because sharing it is the only thing that will set me free from the painful sickness that wants to take me back into my food addiction. Someone I very much love and appreciate told me 'our disease is only strong in secret. It loses its strength and power when I expose its schemes to the light of others.'
Tomorrow is not the problem. 'Never' is not the problem. I just need to focus on staying in recovery today. Some days it is not easy keeping the pounds off. But it is easier then trying to lose them again so I keep trudging along. Come with me . . .