Sunday, January 23, 2011

Exposing the Schemes of The Enemy

It is possible to live a sane and happy life without the insanity of eating binge foods and obsession over the foods we food addicts cannot eat - whatever those foods are for each individual. It takes rigorous honesty and a dependence on a power greater than myself - whatever I choose that power to be. I will always return to food (or find a new addiction) without both of these things in my life - no matter what else I do, the addiction will take over my life and eventually kill me if I do not stay honest and admit I  do not have all the answers. 

There is a peace of mind that comes with freedom from the obsession of the mind and the allergy of the body in relation to food. Today I am not feeling it. I have been having the fleeting thought that someday - somehow - I will be able to eat like a normal person: someone who can eat a piece of cake or a slice of pizza and willingly walk away from the rest of the whole and not take more or obsess over having more again the next day or every Saturday or only on holidays with an R in the month . . . . 

Most of the time I accept what I am: a food addict and compulsive overeater, in recovery only as long as I stay willing to live my life with honestly and acceptance. But today is different. Today I hate that I can never be 'normal.' I need to share my thoughts and feelings with my support system because sharing it is the only thing that will set me free from the painful sickness that wants to take me back into my food addiction. Someone I very much love and appreciate told me 'our disease is only strong in secret. It loses its strength and power when I expose its schemes to the light of others.' 

Tomorrow is not the problem. 'Never' is not the problem. I just need to focus on staying in recovery today. Some days it is not easy keeping the pounds off. But it is easier then trying to lose them again so I keep trudging along. Come with me . . . 

Jane~
Keepingthepoundsoff.com

7 comments:

Fat Girl Fights Back said...

Jane,
This post speaks loudly to me and the timing couldn't be more perfect. Last night was the first Saturday in a few weeks that I didn't attempt to "eat like a normal person" - we skipped the weekly treat of Pizza or some other "weekend" type food and grilled chicken breast fillets with a nice mix of fresh veggies. I imagined myself being Chef Ramsey (or some other famous chef) serving the lean protein over a "bed" of veggies with some fancy name. Honestly, I imagined this! LOL

For a while in my journey I was able to have the slice of pizza with a large salad and be ok with that. But, recently those Saturday night ventures have been inching closer and closer to the binge behavior that got me to where I was seven months ago. I'm following Weight Watchers which is a good, balanced plan but there are loopholes that are easy for the best addicts to figure out, which I have. A few slices of pizza can fit into the points values - but it doesn't make it a good choice or healthy!

I nipped it in the bud. I have a problem and I must accept that there are triggers that I have to avoid. Pizza, burgers, fries, etc. are weaknesses for me. Perhaps some day it will be different, but as evidenced by the last few Saturdays, I'm not there yet.

Jane Cartelli said...

Thank you for sharing this with me. Triggers do develop over time. Some come from foods and others come from behaviors and outside sources. I can stay away from all kinds of foods but only through working on myself can I deal with the behavior. I cannot control the universe so I better get handle on my reactions to it.

Cindy...154 said...

There are times when I absolutely hate the fact that I have to have a recovery program and then there are times when I am grateful that I GET to have a recovery program. I'd say the past year I have struggled the most with those feelings. Being honest about it helps. It helped me to read your post. And, staying in today, maybe just in this one minute at a time is a life saver. I am glad I found your blog. Thanks

Jane Cartelli said...

Thank you for sharing this. I need to remember to be grateful that I GET to have a recovery program. I get to start every morning in recovery. That is a gift that people suffering from any other fatal disease would give anything to have. Keep coming back!

Jane~

Lauren said...

I had a really bad week. Saltmonger's gonna have a post on it sometime in the next 36 hours. My addiction to white flour really flared up and, because I don't have a whole lot of money to spend on healthier foods, I've ended up spending it on what will a) kill me, b) make me crave other bad foods and c) all of the above ten times over. I need to find a way of just getting off of white flour completely but replacing it with something crunchy since that's what I look for most of the time. I mean I'm sitting here right now thinking about frozen fish sticks. Why? Not because I like fish (because I don't), and not because I even want to walk to the store, buy, and then smell the cooking of fish sticks (because it's freezing out, and also EWww), but because the crunchy goodness surrounding them is such a turn-on. I think my way out, at least while I'm home, is oven-roasted veggies. But that doesn't do me any good when I'm at work and have even worse issues. Help.

Jane Cartelli said...

I, too, am addicted to nt only food but texture - only in my case the texture is smooth and creamy, I do not usually like crunchy. My ice cream always had to be smooth, without the add-ins unless they were soft items.

I think you really hit on something when you wrote "I need to find a way of just getting off of white flour completely but replacing it with something crunchy since that's what I look for most of the time."

In my long, painful experience, I need to come to terms with the fact that I have to survive without looking to replace one food/texture for the other all the time. I have tried it over and over again and it keeps leading me back to wanting the addictive stuff. I know many people who have lost as much or more weight than I have and they have arrested the impulse to act on the craving to have substance or texture - one day at a time. I turn to them for support and a better chance for my recovery today. Anything I can do to support you today I am willing to help in any way I can.

Jane~

Emily Gray Clawson said...

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I've been so inspired by your blog! I even posted about you on my own site. I've so needed to see someone else successfully doing the hard work it takes to be healthy!