Tuesday, January 25, 2011

How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways. . . - Part I

It has been suggested that I am too hard on myself and need to express some self love. I agree.

I have not had time for self love; I am too busy trying to identify anything that YOU (the world) could find wrong with me so that when YOU (the world) see what is wrong with me you will not be able to hurt me because I will already have given my imperfection a name and have artificial 'control' over the situation.

Most of the time I feel I am a flawed, caustic, selfish human being. In case I ever think otherwise there are people in my life who believe it is their duty to tell me how horribly flawed I really am: a co-worker, a sibling, an anonymous writer; or even someone who I thought of as a friend - they are all seemingly ready to share with me (and others) how bad/wrong/unworthy I am.

But this week someone told me a thing I have rarely ever heard before. This kind and generous person shared with me that I am loved and need to show myself some of that love and not be so hard on myself. I need to let go of self-beating, self depreciating and self loathing.

I must have really needed to hear that because I absorbed those words like Bounty on spills. I am sure my face alighted from within when I also accepted that just as I needed to let go of depreciating my own self worth I need to let go of those people and institutions who cause me to feel that way and stop accepting it from the sources I cannot escape.

So today I write this long preamble to tomorrow's post. Tomorrow I am going to list the things I love about me. 

I am going to start keeping the pounds off by loving me. 



Fat Girl Fights Back said...

I love it! I can't wait to read about the things you love about you.

Anonymous said...

Dear Jane,

I absolutely love this-and I love you! When you speak so honestly and share your own little, (or BIG) inner critic, I notice my own.

You have inspired me. I too, am surrendering the negative self-talk, negativity, and inner critic.

I am going to focus on the gift of being "perfectly-imperfect". This is what is beautiful. There is only one uniquly made Jane,and one Mary. What a miracle.

When thinking about who I am, I am comitting to going to the source, who knows me better than you, or them, or even me. God, I will focus on what and who you say that I am....wow....totally loved, completely forgiven....even worth so much to you that you would die for my sake.

Thank you!!!! I am commited to an audience of ONE-God.

Love you, Jane.

Jane Cartelli said...

I was surprised how hard it was to write this but once I got it down I could feel how right it was - and how necessary to my continued recovery. Thank you all for inspiring me to keep going!