Thursday, April 21, 2011

Coping With Feelings and Not Making Excuses

Someone in my life is going through a tough time emotionally and spiritually. The troubles are changing this person's natural personality and it is starting to change our relationship in little ways.  I want to be supportive, compassionate and unselfish enough to be helpful without seeking to satisfy my needs today.  I must acknowledge and accept that I have fears about what is going on without channeling responsibility for these concerns on to the other person. I know it is not my time to be hugged. It is time for me to do the hugging. Change does not have to be bad. My reaction and how I deal with changes  can be positive today because I am not under the influence of obsessive food consumption and behaviors. 

I need to do be present in this relationship without turning to food; without eating over it. I do not eat extra servings, snack indiscriminately or indulge in foods not part of my life today for any reason. Using food as an excuse is not showing love for another person. Years ago, I did not 'love' my father more because I ate non-stop when he was being taken off life support 1200 miles away. It was not proof of my love for my amazing,  precious mother-in-law when I numbed the pain I felt by her death by picking up my addictive foods 19 years ago. I did not want to feel the emotions and feelings of what was happening. I used my 'love' and 'care' for others as an excuse to overeat foods - compulsively and with malice to my own body. 

The world does not revolve around me. Every person on this planet has their own troubles, fears, doubts, emotions, dreams, plans - life! I do not live in a vacuum but rarely does the minutiae of the lives of others have to affect my life unless I let it - or unless the other people is someone I care for and love. I have to accept what is going on in my world every single day, not just the days I like my life. I also have to be a part of this world and seek knowledge of how I can help those I love. Eating ice cream or peanut butter cups or pasta and cheese are NOT going to help the person, the situation or me. Such actions would mean I now have two problems ~ and eventually the food problem will always eclipse everything else...

In your journey of keeping the pounds off, have you made excuses that you are "just eating this" because of the kids, your spouse, boyfriend, job, boss, parents, the weather . . . ?


Pretty Pauline said...

Not sure if I shared this here already or not, but eating was my response to the stress of seeing Tsunami footage! How sad is THAT?

I have been the friend going through such changes in the past. Thank you for staying and loving through it all.

Jane Cartelli said...

I don't think it is sad - I think it is what we do. Or did.
Sometimes we have to step away and breath. I am learning to so that so I do not step into food and eat.


Lisa said...

It was a long journey to learn how to FEEL my emotions and own them. Not bury them deep inside with food. Sometimes I slip up and do it but I am much better about just feeling the feelings.

Cenandra said...

I ate today all because of a Hershey Kiss on the counter and all day I've been wanting to eat and eat. I guess I failed today, but tomorrow is a new day. I wish I could say it would never happen again, but I can't.

Jane Cartelli said...

I am in your court. The wonderful thing about starting again is we can start NOW - this minute. Do not think you have to wait until tomorrow. If I have a bad minute it does not have to be 12 hours long. If it has been 12 hours long it does not have to be 13 hours - or more.

You know who has been successful the longest? The person who got up earliest this morning and did not misuse food today. We only have today.


Retta said...

Tomorrow is my nephew's funeral... and I must say I was feeling pretty down. Thank you for this truth. You are right... there is no excuse to make it worse by eating extra.

Jane Cartelli said...

I am very sorry for your loss. Talk, write - do whatever you can to allow yourself to feel the feelings instead of masking them with food. My experience is that food only delays the feelings until I stop eating. Today I feel them first so that I do not have to feel them over and over again when I come up for air after a deep dive into food addiction.

My thoughts are with you.