Sunday, May 1, 2011

A celebration, a Trip and the Tale of Two Scales

Yesterday we watched our youngest daughter graduate the University of Florida. (Go Gators). We have been blessed to see both our children graduate college and become such vibrant, beautiful woman! I am proud of them for both being graduates but I am even more proud of the love and joy they bring to the world by living good lives each day. 

Today I leave on a 10 day trip across the country. I will be driving from Florida to Nevada and back again. My disease does not take a vacation or even a day off. It is always trying to get me to take side-trips to ice cream stands and bakeries and scenic views of eateries. Just because it has to come along for the ride does not mean I have to keep it entertained. I take with me all the tools of my recovery from food addiction and compulsive overeating: a commitment to honesty and abstinence from the foods that cause me mental and physical obsession, a food plan, literature, writing, a mentor to call each day and telephone numbers of friends and fellows who share this disease and the miracle of recovery from its insanity. 

This is going to be a wonderful trip. I will post along the way. Speaking of way (weigh), today is May 1st and I weighed in for the first time in 3 weeks. I am a full week off the BP meds. I have lost three pounds and I was disappointed it wasn't 30 pounds in 21 days! (how insane is that??) I spent some time in quiet reflection and recognize that no matter how loosely my clothes hang on me, no matter how many compliments I get, no matter how well I know I am eating and exercising - the number on the scale is still the reward I seek. I am still giving it the power to be my God. I do not want to get on my knees and bow to a scale. I am grateful I see this issue for what it is because then I can learn and use the lesson to move on wisely. 

I started with a gratitude list: 
  • All my clothes fit - even the 'skinny' ones. 
  • I have been sane with food and honest with weighing and measuring. 
  • My choices have been proper with no sugar, flour, milk fat or wheat. 
  • I have been sane and not acted out with poor attitudes towards others. 
  • I have not been a bitch. 
  • I have been active with others who I have had the honor of helping through their recovery. 
  • I have been healthy, happy and joyful. 
  • I have not been missing food, panicked about food choices, craving anything or feeling deprived. 
  • I have gained physical strength from a changed exercise plan. 

Most important to me today: I accept as truth that the only thing I could have done differently for the past three weeks is get on the scale each day and that action would NOT have given me a better weight loss. It would have only rattled the squirrels in my brain and given me excuses to restrict my food (diet mentality) and cause me mental and emotional turmoil. 

I am still keeping the pounds off. My skinny clothes fit and fit well. I have the blessing of taking a 10 day trip without fear of food and weight gain along the way. I love my life today. On the scale of life - the one that really matters, I register a perfect ten!

Forget the number on your weight scale today. Where are you today on the Scale of Life? 



Cenandra said...

What a great post Jane! Have a very safe trip I know you will stay strong and true to your new self! Vacations can devastate some people, but as long as you stay honest you will be fine.

I cannot weight everyday, never could. I struggle to weigh on a weekly basis because it can really get me depressed. As long as I know I am working my best, I am okay; I can't say I've been my best this past week though so I did weigh yesterday and it showed.

Jane Cartelli said...

If I am honest and do my best I should be happy with the result -each and every time. The reality that I am not naturally that way is why I have to work a three fold program of recovery: physical, emotional and spiritual. If I am short in one area it will affect the others and I will topple from unbalance.

Congrats on your great week!


bbubblyb said...

It really is about being honest with ourselves. I know far to often I give myself permission when I'm away from home to eat anyway I want and it never benefits me. Great post Jane, I am going to come back to this when I need to reinforce my own thinking. I too let the scale have more power than it should over me. Hope you have a wonderful trip.