Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Quiet Time

When I am in a fit spiritual condition food cravings and the obsession to overeat do not take over my life. I live free of the insanity that draws us to consume 4 ice cream shakes, one on top of the other and then look to eat chocolate covered butter cookies just two hours later. In a fit spiritual condition I get to live far from the impulses that bring me to the fast food markets to fill up on endless pizza, fries and cream cakes.

Sure, such unhealthy thoughts and actions can be triggered by a sudden trauma but usually a return to an unhealthy, unsound mentality does not happen overnight. It comes on slowly. First you skip a task you normally do everyday as part of your recovery and before you know it you are skipping more steps and tasks and finally you pick up the food that is calling you all else be damned.

I do not want that to happen to me today.

For the past few days I have felt that tug to the dark side. I am fighting it. I will continue to do what is necessary to stay on the healthy side of my life. Living in maintenance mode is not easy but if I give in to the food - even for a little while, I might not  find my way back until it is too late. For this reason I am taking these next two days to intensely remind myself of the steps I have taken to be in recovery from food addiction today. I am reading and writing, listening to others and reaffirming why I do all the things I do to maintain a weight loss of over 200 pounds.

I am not going on a retreat or a rehab facility for a "booster shot". I am taking this quiet time in the comfort of my home, free of the distractions of super markets, billboards and commercial TV advertising. I made this decision for two days of quiet and renewal last night and I will keep to it for the next 48 hours.  I have been considering some changes in my food but I know that I am not in a healthy frame of mind to make those changes without fear today. For today, I will not make any food changes. It is not worth the pain of the struggle. Writing this post is keeping honest about what is going on today and how I am working through it. I commit to you here that I will eat in my current healthy manner and not make any sudden changes. Sudden changes are not part of my recovery plan.

I am 20 hours into my quiet time and the insistent voices that urge me to pick up the wrong foods are quieter than they were yesterday. Another day of quiet and they will be off somewhere doing push ups for the next time they try to make an appearance.

How suddenly do you make changes in your daily life while keeping the pounds off? Do you make spontaneous changes or do you make changes and hope for the best. I'd like to hear from you.



Cenandra said...

I do not like change in any part of my life I am weird like that, but eating isn't one of them.

I can go to dinner with my hubby on a spontaneous whim or I can grab a cookie that I wasn't looking for without thinking.

Today a cookie ended up in front of me at work and I didn't think twice about it and ate it. I had no regrets though because I knew I was in control of my weight management.

Some days I waiver, but recently I've felt pretty good about my decisions and fitness level.

Jane Cartelli said...

I am happy for you that you can grab a cookie and maintain control of your weight management. I would love to be someone who is in control of her own weight management, successfully doing it on my own and able to grab a spontaneous cookie. Gratefully, I accept this is NOT me today and I currently welcome the help that keeps me out of the deep end of the sugar bowl. It does not always stop me from wanting the food but wanting it does have to mean having it. For me, that is positive progress. I am in trouble if I think that because you can grab a cookie, it means I can grab a cookie.


Diane Fit to the Finish said...

I think you have such a sensible, healthy way of looking at things. I find that I got into trouble when I made knee-jerk changes without having real reasons for them. I'm not a big fan of change, but try to keep my eating steady in the midst of upheavals or changes. Stay strong!

bbubblyb said...

I think staying clear of the sweets has always been my best plan, sometimes I convince myself otherwise though. I am not one for change either and I find that when I stay steady to my typical, regular, food plan I do the best with keeping the pounds off. Glad to hear the voices are quieter for you today.

Kari said...

I love the idea of being quiet and reflecting on your choices. When the scale starts to creep up I find myself going into super speed mode to do what I can to get back to "normal". I have to remind myself that this is not a race, but rather a journey.

Jane Cartelli said...

I love you all for your experience and support. I cannot do this alone. Together we all can get better.


Julie said...

I so needed to hear this today - that to do what we do is enough. There is a good time and a wrong time to make changes. I also was considering making changes to my steady, healthy food routine but have decided (and your thoughts confirmed in my mind I had made the right choice) that while we have my parents staying with us for the month it is not a good time to make changes. I will instead focus on calmly continuing what is working for me for now and reconsider changes once our household is back to what passes for normal around here!

Jane Cartelli said...

Brilliant idea! When we plot to make changes during times of stress we are not planning, we are plotting to set ourselves up for failure. When we carry through with what is already in place through the times of stress we are building strength that will see us through one day at a time.
If the change is worth making it will still be worth making a week later or a month later or even a year later.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

Vickie said...

I have read all these posts as you published them. Many I read and reread several times (at the time and since).

This one stayed with me because it was right when my very under weight extra girl was moving out to fast for a month with another family from her religion.

I was able to set aside all those feelings, about what I looked at as unhealthy, and think about the concept of praying many times a day.

I wasn't thinking specifically of prayer or religion, but that certainly applies too.

I was thinking about the concept of stopping whatever one was doing and meditating or quieting the mind, many times a day for short times.

sort of like a gentle 'reboot' of our systems.

To cast away the things which can distract and subvert us from our 'mission'.

I am not saying this made me feel better. And it really didn't have anything to do with my extra girl. I am saying it was an opportunity to see the value in that gentle refocus many times a day.

Jane Cartelli said...

Meditation is something I need to do more often. I am currently at 5 minutes a day and have started practicing little 'one minute moments ' of getting calm and refocused throughout the day. I understand that this will become a more regular and extremely vital part of my day with practice, practice, practice. I really want it for the spiritual recovery it can bring.