Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Butter Redux

Re-visiting the past helps me in keeping the pounds off today. I originally published some of this two years ago. What I wrote still holds true today. I am sharing it again because yesterday I was at the Annual Obesity Conference for Scientific research and I spoke with several doctors (some in research and some in practice). They were interested in how I am keeping the pounds off and my banning milk fat from my diet was something they found interesting.  I have emailed them copies of my milk-fat related posts and thought I would re-post some this month. 
August, 2009 - I do not eat butter or most anything with milk fat because I know that once I start I do not have the ability to stop. That said, tonight I went to see Julia/Julie, the movie about Julia Child. Julia Child obviously thought butter was heaven on earth. As they say in the movie "Everything is better with butter." I felt sad. I want to dive into cooking with butter. Everything IS better with butter. 
But I have to remember that I am not someone who can have butter today and not have it tomorrow. I am like an alcoholic with certain foods and butter is one of them. I may never stop again if I start and butter is not worth that. The last time I picked up butter I felt the insanity and craving return to such as extent I felt panic. I knew I was on a very slippery slope and gratefully I did not stay on that path. No butter for Janie today. 
I want to take a look at Julia Child's cookbook and adapt her recipes to be used without the ingredients that I cannot have. The recipes that must include butter I will not be making. ~
October 4, 2011: 

Two years later, I have had the cookbook for 10 months, but do not use it. From the time I got the book I wanted to make the cake that Julie and her husband devour like animals in the film - so that I can devour it like an animal . . . and why? Because butter is still not my friend. Oh, it wants to be. It entices me, fills my nostrils with heavenly aroma and waits for me to come for a bite. I am not biting.

Butter, cream, cheeses - I still have an addicts mind for these items. My recovery from food addiction does not mean I can go back and take small doses. One bite is too much and all the butter, cream and cheese in the world would not be enough. I am so grateful I do not take that first bite. 



E. Jane said...

When we want a food that we have loved in the past, it is often difficult to get those thoughts out of our minds. That is food addiction at its most "cunning," because those are precisely the foods that will send us back into our addictions, if we succumb. I am also grateful that you did not take that first bite. I know if I do--it's a very long detour back to sanity!

Jane Cartelli said...

I like your comment "if I do - It is a very long detour back to sanity." It can be the longest detour of our lives. It took me 14 years to find my way back. I may not have another recovery in me.

The only thing that worked for me, to get past craving once I glimpsed my 'food' , to get past the desire to have it when I saw it or smelled it or thought of it - the ONLY thing that worked - was fully admitting and accepting the theory of the first bite. I had to fall into that first bite over and over again until I accepted my addiction was truly beyond my finite power to control. Only then could I resist and eventually refrain to the point of not even wanting it 99% of the time. Learning to eat to live instead of living to eat was not an easy rode - it is was worth the trip.


Anonymous said...

I cannot and do not open my recipe books anymore. Ones I have made or bought. Recipe reading is a gateway drug for me.

Since I have changed my eating our house is STILL eating the same stick of butter. My husband uses it for pancakes and french toast. For perspective - we used to go through about a pound and a half a month - Holidays maybe 4-5 pounds. Just 2 adults.

RedPanda said...

This post made me laugh. My husband grew up on a dairy farm and is quite obsessed with butter. If I buy a block (8 oz) so I can use one tablespoon for a recipe, the following week it is all gone!

Maybe he slathers it all over his body and licks it off, I don't know. So now our house is a butter-free zone. I have thrown out the recipes that need butter.

As for me, just over a year ago, I figured out that dairy increases my mucous production (sorry if TMI) so I cut way back. I have freshly-made almond milk on my muesli and oatmeal, try not to have milk in tea and coffee after midday, and stopped eating cottage cheese and yoghurt. This made a difference within days. I've been suffering from hayfever, on and off, since earlier this year and if I were still eating lots of dairy it would be intolerable.

@Munchberry - when I cleaned up my eating, I threw away several shelves of cookbooks. It was very liberating - but horrifying to see how we used to eat. Just the other day, I threw out a couple of bread cookbooks I was hanging on to, in case I ever got the urge to bake bread again, but that won't happen - see the reference to my husband's "butter issues" above.

Princess Dieter aka Mir said...

When I committed to eating real food and more "traditional" food, I brought back butter. Heck, my mom and dad ate Lard most of their life without heart disease well into their 80s. They ate EVOO daily before it was the rage. They took cod liver oil all their lives, also before it was the thing to do (omega 3). They ate real food.

So, I use butter again, and EVOO as I always have. Ditched the fake oils/"butters". But it's easier since I don't eat bread, so not "bread and butter" madness. :) (Although dad like dhis bread with olive oil).

Cheese is one of my key foods. When I gave up the carriers I preferred (pasta, bread, tortillas), it was easier to moderate the use (in eggs, parmesan on a salad, etc).

But if I had cheese a la pizza--binge monsters might rear their head.

I've gone 10 months without lasagna or pizza. So, I get the having to just NOT have some stuff.

Butter, not an issue for me. Butter on bread--well, that's a whole nother monster. ; )

sixty-five said...

New here - Jane, your story is quite remarkable. I am in awe! I don't have an issue with butter either, though I am newly fond of organic unrefined virgin coconut oil for cooking. For me it's the sugar and the grains. At almost 71 I never thought I could give those things up but (miracles never cease!) it seems to be working and 40 lbs are gone. But I think that a huge part of being able to live without that evil "white stuff" has been the guilt-free use of plenty of "good" fat. We all do what works for us!

F. McButter Pants said...

I am awe too! Found your from Fixing Myself Thinner. Went to your count down to 50 blog 1st. I thought I was impressed there. Holy Cow!! Over 200 Lbs. Yep, color me impressed.

We all have our weakness, mine isn't butter. I have lost 100 lbs by just eating better and walking everyday. It can be done! Slow but sure wins the race.

Jane Cartelli said...

Munchie -
The 4-5lbs over the holidays - yeah, been there, done that. It was not pretty. . . .

RedPanda -
I had to toss all my Disney cookbooks back when looking at a recipe was enough to send me over the edge. Now I can have cookbooks around as long as they have some use to me. There is one dessert cookbook I still hold on to because I have a sick brain. I have no reason to have that book. I need to give it away.

As for as your husband licking the butter off his own body - don't give my husband any ideas!

Princess D - for me, bread was the vehicle by which butter moved to my mouth - and cheese and jelly. W/o butter, jelly and cheese I do not look for bread most of the time. There are moments when I smell fresh bread that I do want some.

I tried to switch to butter when I gave up all the unhealthy fats but once I admitted my addiction I had to accept what is.

I can still have evoo and cod liver oil. ;-)


Jane Cartelli said...

Sixty-five -
thank you for coming by - please visit again and again. I have not tried the coconut oil. Does it work only for cooking? When I was into the sugar I could eat an entire can of cream of coconut by Goya.

F. McButter -
One Hundred Pounds is awesome! Three cheers! Yes, it can be done. Remember that we must always keep it going.


sixty-five said...

Re the coconut oil: yes, I think only for cooking, but it's very mild pleasant stuff with a delicate coconut taste and scent. I love scrambling eggs in it. Apparently some people use it on their skin; I have often rubbed a bit onto dry hands with nice results. It doesn't have to be refrigerated, so it makes a nice alternative to butter which I tend not to use up very fast (unlike in the olden days!). When the kitchen is chilly I sometimes have to nuke the jar for a few seconds to soften it up; when the kitchen is hot it's generally liquid. Seems to be able to go back and forth with no problem.