Monday, October 31, 2011

A Haunting Halloween Tale of Integrity*

Shower anyone? 
*Based on a true story from my life before Keeping the Pounds Off

I woke up in a cold sweat, my heart pounding in my chest. What caused me to wake so suddenly? Was it the rhythmic tap-tap-tapping of a branch from the tree outside the bedroom window? Was it a tinkling of glass falling to the floor after a thief broke a pane to gain entrance to my home? Was it a nightmare already forgotten in the panic of waking in the deathly calm of the night? I had to idea. I grabbed my eyeglasses, pulled on my thin, wrinkled robe and quietly but quickly moved to the bedroom door. I opened it. 

The living room was silent and still; as was the rest of the house. My heart slowly returned to a normal beat. I went to each and every room but found nothing amiss. I stopped near the front room. Light from the full moon streaming through the large half circle window fell on the mail left there from the delivery the day before. The mail was still unopened. I flipped through the envelopes but nothing caught my eye.

I returned to the bedroom. As I sat on the bed I felt as though something was nipping at my rear end. I immediately jumped up and turned on a light. It looked as though a nightmare had come alive on the bed. It was a mess. There were photos, scrapbook paper, tape, markers, a three-quarter empty bag of Doritos, the top crust from a slice of pizza, numerous mini Halloween candy bar wrappers and an empty pint of coffee ice cream. The bite on my butt was caused by an open pair of scissors on the bed. 

Then I remembered. I had been in my bedroom watching reruns of CSI while cropping fat off my body in photos of me before I put them in the family album from that evening's trick or treating session with the kids. I had fallen asleep soon after finishing the ice cream, the episode on TV was now long over but the Halloween nightmare was about to begin. 

Thighs and Ass instantly slim!
Cheaper than surgery! 
I looked caught my reflection in the mirror - all 350 pounds of me: bloated stomach, triple chin, ponderous hips. Then I saw the photos I had cropped earlier, lying on the bed. I had cropped only photos with me, using the scissors in place of a surgeon's scapel to make my legs slimmer, arms thinner, triple chin cropped down to a double. In one profile photo I had cropped my ass down from a size super obese to a more manageable, "normal" extra large-wide. 

Extra chin and neck fat- gone!
No lipo-suction needed!
I had already affixed several photos in the album. I wondered if, when my kids looked back on these albums in future years, would they remember how fat mommy really was or could these photos help to alter their memories? I looked back in the mirror and thought 'To hell with integrity'. I picked up another cropped photo and glued it into the album. I picked up a few more photos and sat back down on the bed. 

Ouch! I sat on the damn scissors again and this time they cut a nick into my ample flesh. Then something more important cut through to me: You never have to worry about integrity coming up behind you and biting you on the ass. Integrity means not needing to lie or hide or deny - ever. 

Dishonesty of any type can always come always come back to haunt you. Integrity allows you to Rest in Peace. 

Happy Halloween!



Anonymous said...

You did that? Cropped yourself? Such sadness you must have had. Weird how despair finds its way to the surface.

On another note: Your daughter where you are doing her makeup - my god what a cherubic, adorable, innocent little face.

Loved what you wrote to Vickie (her post today). Very true.

Lauren said...

Actually, the one where she's doing the makeup - that's my cousin, her niece. And she DOES have a very cherubic face.

RedPanda said...

You did that? Cropped yourself? Such sadness you must have had. Weird how despair finds its way to the surface.

That was my immediate response too - I thought that was so very sad.

And the irony of being literally bitten on the butt by the scissors! Ouch!

Unknown said...

Well, you're definitely in a different place in your life now! I view being able to admit these kinds of things as sad in the past, but thoughtful and inspiring for the present and future.

And I am the former "blueberry muffin," a chubby/fat woman. I tell that to people at the gym lots of times. They are extremely surprised, but inspired too.

And, I've equally been surprised to know two extremely buff guys at the gym who lost, 100 pounds and 67 pounds, respectively! You'd never know it.

And I never think of *you* as a formerly fat person. Isn't that strange but true!

:-) Marion

Jane Cartelli said...

I have done things I share with my mentor and one and one with people I mentor, and those things would make you cry. One of the best things about being such a gutter-based food addict is once you hit and dwell at bottom, there is no place to go but up!

Marion: My post today, November 8th should interest you. I will have it up later today.