Monday, October 3, 2011

My Daughter's New Piece of Jewelry

Not my jewelry
My 26 year-old daughter, who will always be five years old to me, is well-educated, intelligent, mature, gainfully employed and self-supporting. She has supported herself since her third year at university. She pays her student loans. She dons boots in bad weather. She knows to wear gloves and a scarf without being told. She visits her crazy grandmother is good to animals and gives to the homeless. She accepts me as I am: flaws and all, with total love. What more can a mother ask? I can die kicking and screaming reasonably happy knowing she is well launched in this world.

Last week my daughter called and asked if I saw her new facebook photo. Then on Friday she called to ask again: did I see the photo. So, while she was on the phone I got on Facebook and pulled up her Facebook profile photo. The photo was small and dark so I clicked on it to make it larger. It was a nice photo but I didn't see anything unusual about it. Then she asked if I noticed anything different about her face. I said no. She told me to look again at her face. That is when I saw it: my innocent baby mature, adult offspring was sporting a facial piercing. She had a nose stud.

I, her mother, always a completely out-of-control, controlled, insane, calm. freaked-out, cool mom, of course overreacted. responded in a totally dignified and mature manner. 

I screamed into the phone "OH MY GOD, IS THAT A NOSE RING!!!??" 

Three second outburst done, I returned to my super-persona of sane, rational mommy and had to admit she has the face for a nose stud. It looks beautiful on her beautiful face. It is a pretty little stud, not a ring or a contraption that connects her nose to her ear by the chain. Unlike a tattoo, it can be removed if she wants. It is unobtrusive to her personality and professional appearance. What's not to love? 

NOT my daughter
My immediate reaction can be traced back to control. This was presented to me as a fait-accompli - the action was already done. My personality wants to feel it can control outcomes and there was no outcome left to be decided. It was done. "God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change." (such as my daughter's action to have her nose pierced) "courage to change the things I can," (the only thing I could change was my reaction) and the wisdom to know the difference." (Just because I gave birth to these lovely beings does not mean I control their adult bodies and what they do with them). 

I want to add one more thought I had with all this: Gratitude. My daughter does not abuse drugs, sex, animals, children, credit cards, alcohol or her parents. If she chooses to have a little piece of jewelry accessorize her face she is still still a wonderful and amazing daughter - who will always be five years old in my heart. 



Fatoutofskinny said...

Hahahah!.....I can totally relate. It is always difficult to remember that they are now adults....does that ever go away?.....I don't think so!

Anonymous said...

A wonderful application of that serenity prayer. I think I will start doing that. - Specifically address each part.

Yep, what can you do? If she finds it hold her back from moving forward inher career she will be the one to pull the stud. What is done is done.

Hope that she does not get a tattoo. It would be the rebel (at this point) not to get a tattoo.

Also, how wonderful is it to have a healthy, happy and self supporting child these days? Really. that is a question because I know so few people that have them.

Unknown said...

Being a mom is so strange when you're kids are adults. They always want advice but they never have to follow it. My answer: send the cutest sparkly black high heels I could find in a college care package with 10 bars of dark chocolate and a wad of cash. This time--I sent the right stuff. Next time--who knows?

:-) Marion

Rory said...

Sparkly black heels and 10 bars of dark chocolate? Mom, I want that care package!

Jane Cartelli said...

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet my younger daughter, Rory - a true connoisseur of chocoholic and shoes.

By the time Rory was old enough for college I already was refusing to show love with food. Therefore she received no sugary food packages.

Poor, deprived darling. . . . Love you RCC!

Jane Cartelli said...

AffectionforFitness: Wad of cash? Let me send you my address. . . .

Munchie: It is very wonderful! I know we are blessed to have these two wonderful girls.


dupster said...

It's so hard to accept some of these new styles, but I know they're what is popular, and what the "kids" are doing today. I too am grateful my grown-up boys (who, in my mind, are all 5 years old just like your daughter is to you) are functioning, contributing members of society, without any horrible vices (other than my middle son, who needs to lose some weight to be healthy--I just worry about that, but know he has to decide to get healthy, I can't do it for him), so I suppose if one of them got a tattoo or piercing I could accept it. But I don't have to like it, do I??

Jane Cartelli said...

Dupster - No, you do not have to like it. I would not have liked it if she had gotten a tattoo or an eyebrow piercing. She is here visiting us right now and I can barely see it from 5 feet away. I would not have been able to say that about a tattoo.