Saturday, November 5, 2011

Don't Listen to Naysayers

It has been a long and continuing journey since the day I lost the first few pounds and became someone who was working at keeping the pounds off. Along the way I have heard many unhelpful comments. Do any of these sound familiar to you?
  • You are going to gain it all back anyway
  • How can you not eat bread?
  • Just have one bite
  • You need to stop being so rigid
  • You need to stop 
  • I made this just for you
  • I know you love this cake
  • Try this, it is worth going off your diet
  • You deserve a treat
  • I won't tell anyone you ate it
  • You have to help me eat this
  • Can't you just have it this one time
Often these comments brought me to that first bite. Then I learned to practice selective listening and hearing. Now, many I just tun out.

It is not necessary that you like what I need to do in keeping the pounds off. It is only necessary that I do it. I do not need your permission, approval or acceptance. I would like to think you are on my side but if not, that is your choice. Mine is to keep doing the next right thing and to practice compassion for the person(s) who continue to make such comments to others.    



Karen said...

Thanks for posting about this The you'll gain it all back comment is the one that reminds me that nobody but me is " driving my Life car". I don't let those people " ride with me" in my journey.

I picture them as standing by the side of the road as I pull a away. Figurative of course. Learning to let those comments roll off your back is key to maintenance. Good to practice your maintenance muscle.

that TOPS lady said...

Yes! Last night, after a concert, my family ate out at Braums which is like a Dairy Queen on one side of the store and a mini-grocery store on the other side. I had plenty of calories left for the day but as I looked at the menu, I couldn't see anything that was healthy. Everyone else in my family got combo meals (big burgers, fries, soda, ice cream). Not to toot my own horn, but I got one scoop of chocolate almond ice cream and then went to the grocery side of the store and bought a banana. I was the oddball. I didn't care! ;)

Vickie said...

last night, leaving our favorite Greek restaurant, the owner said "I am sure you will NOT want one of those, you are very careful" pointing to an orange pumpkin full of suckers. You would have loved it.

I did go through almost all the things you mentioned (except I am not sure anyone every told me I would gain it all back).

But I also had things like Yoga Kris who told me I could lose ALL my belly. I believed her.

Is there a correlation between the the people telling you this stuff and their life style? I discovered that I was only hearing these things (like you wrote about) from people with my old lifestyle, my new lifestyle people, understand and support.

Unknown said...

Hi Jane! My husband is known for driving to a restaurant and saying to me, "You look hungry." I try to explain that maybe I'm looking "tired," but he replies, "No. You're looking hungry." He's so pleased when he does that!

:-) Marion

Princess Dieter aka Mir said...

I don't get moved by those comments. I am responsible for ME, not for THEM. If they feel slighted cause they baked something "special", too bad. By now, everyone who knows me knows that I'm eating in a specific way (they ask, I told), and if they cook something that isn't what I choose to eat, I choose to not eat it and so be it. :D I am not nasty or anything, I just politely say, "Thanks, no."

I know some folks get miffed that I'll bring my own eats to some parties. But I can't help that. I eat what I eat and if they make something I can't eat, I must come prepared. To me, it's no different than my seafood allergy.

My family has been amazingly accomodating to my seafood allergy--they'll make paella, set aside the rice and chicken for me and then add the mussels, shrimp, etc. They know seafood = Emergency Room.

Well, to me, regaining weight = diabetes, early stroke, early heart disease, early incapacitation.

To me, it's no different than my seafood allergy.

Many understand and support me hugely. Some think I'm weird. Some think I'm nuts. I don't care. I see the results. I feel them. And I get asked all the time how I'm doing it, and I tell them and say "I have to be vigilant for life, but the way I feel is worth the hard work."

Some are starting to eat like me. :D A little bit. To see if they can feel better, too.

I feel very powerful when I say NO when others are caving in to stuff they themselves will say, "Oh, I shouldn't have this cause of my cholesterol/diet/etc." I figure it's better not to cave than to grumble about how it's bad for you. :D

Cenandra said...

I can't agree more!!! I have people all around me at work doing this to me on a regular basis. They know that I have Diabetes and how far I have come, but they still want me to eat their temptations!! Why?? Because it gives them the okay to eat it themselves I guess. I will never understand it.

Maren said...

I struggle with this all the time, literally all the time!! My friends try to be supportive but to be honest they are weighing me down more than helping..

Kelliann said...

I always find your posts to be just what I need at any given moment. Thank you, again.

Anonymous said...

A MEN Sister.

Jane Cartelli said...

Follow up correction to this blog post will be posting on 11/9.


Anonymous said...

Add "It's Thanksgiving (or whatever day)! One day is not going to hurt you. It took you years to get this heavy. It is all or nothing with you". My heart gets heavy just writing that.

Princess Dieter aka Mir said...

Except, as Munchberry surely knows, Jane knows, I know, for some of us ONE day of crazy eating CAN be the thing that utterly derails us. Studies (science) shows this happens to overeaters. It's not a simple thing. It can be the dam-buster.

So, I have actually explained that, that for certain overeaters, certain foods can trigger, and overeating can roll back, totally reverse, a year's worth of hard habit-making work, and then makes is very hard to get BACK on track.

Smart folks understand. Underminers and idiots don't. And I don't care what sabotagers (thank God I don't have any around me) and idiots (I'm lucky here, too) think. If you mean me ill, to hell with you. If you mean me well, you understand and support me.

I'm all about getting and giving support...cause as humans, that's the decent thing to do. Trying to enable or feed a conditioned overeater who is trying to save their an evil act. Not a kindness. It's to satisfy THEM, not the other. It's a selfish act.

Sandrelle said...


Anna Down Under said...

I totally agree, I've said no thanks often enough that people have stopped asking me if I want any.

I can't get over people would actually say you'll gain it all back! Like they're hopeful or something? Maybe they can't lose weight so they don't want to see you succeed? Unbelievable.