It has been suggested that I am too hard on myself and need to express some self love. I agree.
I have not had time for self love; I am too busy trying to identify anything that YOU (the world) could find wrong with me so that when YOU (the world) see what is wrong with me you will not be able to hurt me because I will already have given my imperfection a name and have artificial 'control' over the situation.
Most of the time I feel I am a flawed, caustic, selfish human being. In case I ever think otherwise there are people in my life who believe it is their duty to tell me how horribly flawed I really am: a co-worker, a sibling, an anonymous writer; or even someone who I thought of as a friend - they are all seemingly ready to share with me (and others) how bad/wrong/unworthy I am.
But this week someone told me a thing I have rarely ever heard before. This kind and generous person shared with me that I am loved and need to show myself some of that love and not be so hard on myself. I need to let go of self-beating, self depreciating and self loathing.
I must have really needed to hear that because I absorbed those words like Bounty on spills. I am sure my face alighted from within when I also accepted that just as I needed to let go of depreciating my own self worth I need to let go of those people and institutions who cause me to feel that way and stop accepting it from the sources I cannot escape.
So today I write this long preamble to tomorrow's post. Tomorrow I am going to list the things I love about me.
I am going to start keeping the pounds off by loving me.