Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Booby-Trapped Mailbox

Chocolate is a WMF
Is there no place safe anymore? My daughter brought the mail in last evening with a warning. "There's chocolate in the mail!" 

Sure enough, there is a bumpy envelope addressed to me, sent from the Ghirardelli Chocolate company. On the envelope it reads TASTING SAMPLES INSIDE. It might as well read "CONTAINS DEADLY BOMB! OPEN AT YOUR OWN RISK! It seems Ghirardelli is pushing showcasing two new intensely dark chocolates and sent two sample squares for me to experience. Hey, do they have any radioactive waste to send me? It will kill me faster and I will not have to suffer as long. Yes, I am over reacting. It wouldn't be worth writing about it and reading about it if I reacted normally, so just keep reading. 
I'm just going out to check the mail

I eat chocolate - without milk fat, without sugar . . . . I use dark cocoa powder. I buy it and bring it home and use it sanely. I do not want chocolate coming to me uninvited. And please don't give me any of that 'dark chocolate is good for you' crap. Yes, dark chocolate is better than milk chocolate but that is like saying butter is better than margarine. Both contain stuff that is not good for the body. Oh, and with the dark chocolate, if you are a sugar addict it still has sugar. Like it or not, these are the facts. 

The last time a food company mailed a product or catalog containing sugar to me it did not end pretty. I asked Swiss Colony to take me off their mailing list after a binge in 2006. In 2009 they sent me a catalog and I called them and put the fear of Jane into them, read them the riot act, politely explained that I was already on record as asking to be permanently taken off their mailing list. They thought I was insane and probably put me on speaker phone for the whole customer service office to listen in apologized. The following week they sent me a tin of chocolate covered almonds or something like that, as a peace offering. 
I get it, even if they don't. They just don't get it. I wrote one more letter and returned the tin, unopened. I  have not gotten a catalog from Swiss Colony since. 

Ghirardelli has much better tasting chocolate that Swiss Colony but I did not let this WMF (Weapon of Mass Fat) destroy my peace today. I gave away the chocolate - immediately. I threw out the coupon that came with it. This was an advertising thing and I doubt they will be sending more bombs this way anytime soon, but if they do, I will be writing a letter that will cause of few tremors in the customer service office. Okay, probably not tremors. More likely giggles over the crazy lady who does not want to receive free chocolate in the mail. But that is how I am keeping the pounds off today. Free chocolate in the mail is never free.

How do you deal with the arrival of "freebies." 



Kelliann said...

Thank GOD I have never gotten a "freebie" in the mail like that. I would have to toss it straight away. Right now I have to make a point of walking in the opposite direction of all things chocolatey at the store. I will litteraly turn my head away if I walk by it. May sound insane, but it's what keeps me sane. It's what I have to do, for now anyway.

Jane Cartelli said...

I went shopping this morning in a store where the entrance aisle (which cannot be avoided) is all chocolate on the right side. I always look at the left side until I pass the end of that first aisle. After all, I am not missing anything I was going to buy - so why should I look. :-)

Anonymous said...

Funny. I called Earthbound about 5 years back to tell them I found a giant piece of bark in their lettuce mix. Not only did they not give a hoot, they did not send me a coupon much less a free sample.

Totally counter intuitive to me. WHO needs to be lured into buying chocolate and not be lured into buying lettuce? OH hey. Wait! ME!


Unknown said...

Oh, I got chocolate in the mail today too! It was from my daughter in Pittsburgh. Just a few pieces from a gourmet chocolate shop. And I loved it. Yes, I'm probably sacrificing my figure a little, but I'm not giving it up. I have however, stopped buying milk chocolate entirely. I've also found a store that has small 140 calorie dark chocolate bars, so when I want one, I'm not going overboard.

I love this post, Jane. Very amusing but smart and meaningful too. There are certain foods to which I walk in the other direction.

:-) Marion

Vickie said...

kids were out with baskets of sugar cookies as a thank you to moms in the parking lot for catholic schools week at pick up time on Tuesday.

I had the same reaction? is no place safe? I was not expecting to have to deal with unwanted NON-food in my own car in the parking lot at school.

I don't think I have ever gotten something like that in the mail. Is this coming to you as an individual or is it because of your company/business?

Caron said...

I have never received chocolate in the mail either but, knowing myself, I'd eat it. Then, I'd regret it. It's the silliest thing that whenever I have a bit of stress, my mind goes immediately to thoughts of Snicker's bars. Yep, not even good chocolate. :( Oh, and I haven't had one for well over a year. :)

Jane Cartelli said...

Munchie - My husband found a screw in his TGIF spinach dip. (freezer section) and not only did they NOT send him a coupon they wanted him to sign a release before sending back that screw to theem.

Affection: I am glad you can still handle the dark chocolate. I did well with it the first 4 years (at least, realitively well) but I had to step back and get away from them after a while.

Jane Cartelli said...

Vicki - OMG, your school drive up lane was boobie trapped! There is no safe place. The chocolate was addressed to me personally. I must be on some chocolate mailing list. FOr me that would be the opposite of Schindler's list. The chocolate list is death, not life.

Caron - That is great that you have stayed away from the Snickers Bar for over a year. Every achievement adds up!

Diane Fit to the Finish said...

Yikes. No place is safe from the velvety smooth evil of chocolate. Good for you on getting rid of it. You are a strong woman!!

Jane Cartelli said...

But not invincible, which is why I cannot put it in my mouth. :-)