Monday, February 6, 2012

Insurance for Pre-existing Conditions

Repetition is the only form of permanence that nature can achieve
~George Santayana~

Every time I do something that reinforces healthy actions in my life against food addiction, I am taking out insurance, that on the day my life experiences a seismic shift, I will be able to rely on repetition to react in a healthy way. By repeating healthy behaviors and using tools that do not include a shovel and food, I can come through life-altering events, joyous or painful, without losing a food battle.  I have to think this way because I have a pre-existing condition: Compulsive Overeating, and just because the symptoms have been arrested does not mean I am cured. 

No one wants to dwell in the negative. I don't want to think that I could get back under the influence of food for any reason. I don't want to contemplate that people I love can die or otherwise be gone from my life. I don't want to consider how I will bounce back from a severe accident or emotional upheaval. And what about positive things? Certainly no one wants to consider that an amazing, positive event could lead to stresses that lead back into food abuse, but positive things can be just as big a trigger as negative ones. I could win the Powerball Lottery, (as I surely will someday), and suddenly find myself able to go anywhere, do anything and buy whatever I want. How long do you think it would be before I 'forget' that I have a food problem? It wouldn't start with a binge but it could end with the biggest food fest of all time.

Otto the Auto Pilot
With repetition I have a fighting chance of surviving on auto pilot, using those repetitive actions and tools if and when my heart is breaking too much for me to care enough to do the right thing.  There is no foolproof insurance but this is as close as I can get so I will take it.

I am keeping the pounds off because I am not repeating the actions that brought me up to 385 lbs. If I repeat those actions, nature will repeat the consequences. There is nothing in life that could be made better by me gaining weight. It will not make people love me more (well, not normal people). It will not resurrect the dead. It will not protect my children, my husband or my dog. It will not help anything except Lane Bryant's bottom line and boost the sales of a few food companies.

What kind of repetition is keeping you where you are and what repetition can bring you to where you want to be?



Unknown said...

Hi Jane! Well, this post is caring but blunt as usual. You always make me think.

I also recently completed a survey for life insurance. Yes, nearly 10 years ago I was diagnosed with depression due to sleep deprivation and work stress from a different job, that I quit. And life quickly got better, but they do hold that against a person! How crazy!

I do see the troubling patterns of reaching for food when stress pops up. That is the problematic repetition. Could you please redirect me to one/some of your posts about handling daily irritations that don't seem to go away?! I don't handle them well.

:-) Marion

Jane Cartelli said...

Marion - I here a few links to getting past the irritations without eating. Getting past the irritations themselves. . . . that is life. Let's say my irritation was the view outside my house - and the view is of a huge mountain and I hate mountains. I can either move, put a door somewhere else in my house and go out facing away, or learn to love that mountain. With irritations I can either ignore them, avoid them or learn to live with them and learn to appreciate their value. I think everything is put into my life for a purpose. The more it irritates me, the more I am supposed to learn from it. That helps me when I have a situation, person, place or thing I cannot change.

I hope these links help where they can: (the first paragraph)

Jane Cartelli said...

More for Marion -
I hate when someone tells me this but I know it is right:
Acceptance is the key to all my problems today.

I do not want to accept my problems or irritations. I keep thinking that accepting is giving in, rolling over and all that negative thinking.

No, I had to learn that acceptance simply means I do not think I have to control everything in life and I can live and let live.

I hope this helps you in some way. Hugs!

E. Jane said...

I loved the insurance analogy. Yesterday I achieved a NSV, because I would have normally prepared and consumed a good deal of the Super Bowl Food that I supposedly made for others. Instead, I didn't cook (purchased food from Outback and pie from Bakers Square), so that eliminated the temptation to cook and eat, but the other NSV was ordering a child's meal and NOT eating the pie. Those two actions eliminated my repetitive behavior when it comes to overeating. Amazing--but I felt stronger and even more committed to my plan when I went to bed last night.

BTW--we will be in the Ft. Myers Beach area.

Jane Cartelli said...

E. Jane - I saw your blog earlier about your NSV and I was so happy for you! They will become scale victories later on.

I am sorry you will not be in my area on your trip. Know that when you are passing from north to south I will be sending you hugs.

Anonymous said...

Keeping a diary of my what I am eating everyday makes me accountable - a good habit- I must learn to accept that this is what I must do to take care of myself I must have accountability

Anonymous said...

Funny sort of aside - in a funny coincidence way. Someone said "The only downside of winning the lottery would be that people come out of the woodwork wanting something from you" and I just blurted out "Oh I don't know... you could gain a bunch of weight because you could go anywhere and eat anything."

Apparently I am the only one in my peer group that considers such things. All the celebrating!