When I was young and naive I thought I would lose my excess weight and learn to eat anything I wanted, in reasonable quantities, at reasonable intervals and without danger of gaining back the weight. It never occurred to naive me that I would be incapable of returning to the very foods and behaviors that helped me weigh 385 pounds and not gain back the weight.
I am watching a movie I loved as a kid: The Good-bye Girl with Richard Dreyfuss and Marsha Mason, written by the wonderful Neil Simon. Mother and young daughter are forced to share apartment in NYC with strange man. In a short time he is singing daughter to sleep, taking her places, babysitting. . . . .
I cannot afford to be naive. I can't choose to forget what I know is right to do what is easy or what is fun, in the naive hope that it will be okay. There are too many pounds riding on me being rational about what is right.
They could not make this movie today. Some people would say that it was written for a more innocent time. I say it was written during a very naive time. Would any rational mother allow a strange man to be alone with her young daughter? In this day and age. I hope not.
My recovery from obesity is as precious as a helpless babe who seeks nourishment and protection from Momma and has the inalienable right to expect it will be given. I need to nurture and guard that recovery the way I made sure my daughters were safe every day and night of their childhoods.
I once enjoyed the expectation of a "healthy" return to my addictive foods the way I enjoyed the movie back when I was young and naive.
I cannot pretend to be naive anymore. Can you?