Sunday, March 25, 2012

Good-Bye Girl

When I was young and naive I thought I would lose my excess weight and learn to eat anything I wanted, in reasonable quantities, at reasonable intervals and without danger of gaining back the weight. It never occurred to naive me that I would be incapable of returning to the very foods and behaviors that helped me weigh 385 pounds and not gain back the weight. 

I am watching a movie I loved as a kid: The Good-bye Girl with Richard Dreyfuss and Marsha Mason, written by the wonderful Neil Simon. Mother and young daughter are forced to share apartment in NYC with strange man. In a short time he is singing daughter to sleep, taking her places, babysitting. . . . . 

I cannot afford to be naive. I can't choose to forget what I know is right to do what is easy or what is fun, in the naive hope that it will be okay. There are too many pounds riding on me being rational about what is right. 

They could not make this movie today. Some people would say that it was written for a more innocent time. I say it was written during a very naive time. Would any rational mother allow a strange man to be alone with her young daughter? In this day and age. I hope not. 

My recovery from obesity is as precious as a helpless babe who seeks nourishment and protection from Momma and has the inalienable right to expect it will be given. I need to nurture and guard that recovery the way I made sure my daughters were safe every day and night of their childhoods. 

I once enjoyed the expectation of a "healthy" return to my addictive foods the way I enjoyed the movie back when I was young and naive. 

I cannot pretend to be naive anymore. Can you? 



downsizers said...

That's a battle I always lose - eating without managing it. I now know I will never be able to just eat what I like, when I want, as much as I can stand. I have accepted that most carbs are no longer a part of my diet. It's OK. I have accepted that I must be active to be healthy and stay out of the food. It's OK. I know I must drink plenty of water. It's OK. The choice is easy now because I still remember how miserable it was to weigh 250 lb. at my top weight. That's not OK.

Vickie said...

you have hit the nail on the head. and most people do NOT understand and can't apply.

I read a comment on someone's blog last week where someone was talking about when he got to goal and could return to his regular pizza.

I thought - oh honey, good luck with that.

My 'pizza' is on zuccinni boats and I am very careful about the 'toppings'.

And I realize you have to be UBBER careful about milk fat, so you would probably have another solution, or eat none at all.

I have had a tough week, medically, and it shored me up in an amazing way.

It was sort of like going to a retreat. Because I had to be even more careful that normal. I had to be sure I stayed out of my own way and helped myself as I would help a beloved friend.

And I know that I have a lot of pent up emotions this week, because it was scary and that means I have to watch for the AFTERS as I come out the other side. The AFTERS are often harder than the durings, because the AFTERS are sneaky.

this is a most excellent post. Thanks for writing it.

Caron said...

Awesome post. So very true. :)

Unknown said...

I cried when I realized that fact that I couldn't eat whatever I wanted. But that was about 17 years ago, and I really like a lot of the food that I should eat.

:-) Marion

Anonymous said...

I'm still trying to figure out what are no go's for me. The list seems to evolve. It is and then it isn't. Like dried apricots that drove me insane for a while - I had to have hubby hide them, now I know where they are, do not bother me. Some things are forever on the list. Oreos in my house are a no go. So is granola.

KCLAnderson (Karen) said...

I HAVE gotten to the point where I can eat what I want, when I want...moderately, the vast majority of the time. And even when I overdo it on something, it doesn't lead to a downward spiral and I've maintained my weight loss, give or take five pounds for a couple of years now. The good news is that there's not much I want that isn't really good for me. I've become lactose-intolerant (not sure how long it's been but I've made the connection in the past few months) and I still crave Greek yogurt, but alas, it gives me bloating and diarrhea. So does ice cream but I don't crave ice cream. I really wanted this in my life. I wanted to be able to say that I don't have to control food and food doesn't control me. Am I perfect 100% of the time? No...but I'm healthy and I've maintained my weight loss and I no longer desire crappy food. I understand that others might not be happy in my body, but I am, and that's all that matters :-)

Jane Cartelli said...

Downsizers - I am reading your comment and thinking yes, It IS okay to do what we need for our health. It is when I put my wants in front of my needs - or when I confuse the two - THAT is not okay. Hugs~

Vickie - It is so wise to watch for the Afters. BTW: I use Daiya as my mozzarella. It is vegan, non-dairy, non-soy, and delicious. I use corn tortilla for a crust or bread made from rye or oat but NO wheat.

Caron - If it helps, great! If not, at least it plugs a good movie.

Marion @ Affection - I was told to take the time to mourn the foods I cannot have. Allow myself those feelings.

Munchie - I am adjusting to having a daughter in the house who has her own food. It has not been all goodness and light - but it helps that her food is not where I go looking for my food. No hidden snakes to bite me. :-))

Karen - AMEN to that. If you are happy in your body and there isn't a doctor telling you to put the mortuary on speed dial, that is a vast improvement of the attitude of not accepting our bodies and doin damage on a daily basis. We will never be perfect and will only be disappointed if we seek perfection as a goal in this recovery.

I have never been lactose intolerant. I could eat 16 oz of Greek yogurt every day and not poof anymore than a normal person. Go figure. Must be a Polish thing.

Doug said...

My recovery from obesity is as precious as a helpless babe...I need to nurture and guard that recovery the way I made sure my daughters were safe every day and night of their childhoods.

This is a great analogy. I sometimes worry people will think I'm too "weird" about food when, for instance, I avoid the buffet line where the crowd is, turn down food that is offered to me, or bring out my own abstinent meal at a food event. But I have been given a precious, fragile gift, and it makes sense to do whatever I must to defend it from a hostile food culture, as well as my own addictive nature.