Monday, March 19, 2012

It Is Okay to be Selfish

Sometimes it's necessary
I followed a blog over a couple of years. The author, an obese woman with medical issues, had the idea of writing about her weight loss efforts and her family shrinking as a result of those efforts. I am sure she initially expected success in losing weight. Some weeks she had glimmers of progress. Sometimes not. Fast forward three years to the present and her blog is now all about food, glorious food and preparing recipes with 'real foods' - that still contain real calories, real fat and real consequences. Now there is no emphasis on actual weight loss or true progress in restoring her body, with the exception of eating 'real foods'.  The name of the blog was changed to fit this different focus.

I give her kudos for not pretending it has anything to do with actual weight loss anymore. If you enjoy recipes for and they do not trigger you to overeat, post them, read them and enjoy yourself. If you are obese and want to write about food and give recipes you should go and do it and enjoy yourself. That is your choice, your right and it is not for anyone else to bash you.

Wherever I go,
there I am
I have to respect that she has chosen her path. I do not have to add my footprints to the path she is traveling. I have to be selfish and take care of me. For me, the blog has become a food porn site. I've removed it from my reading list because there is nothing there for me. It is not there to support what I want or need. It is not a place for me to comment when she is not asking for help. She has found her happy place in her obesity. 

There is another blogger I read who posts photos of her food every single day. However she is maintaining her weight loss and often has rational ideas in regards to weight maintenance, exercise and relationships. I have learned to read her blog with the photos off, which makes it less food porn and more content oriented. Without the photos in my face there is still value in the reading. Not so with the other blog. I have to be selfish and take care of me. 

Just as I adjust my food plan when needed, my Google feed gets a healthy makeover every now and then to remove the unhealthy elements. I wish everyone well but I have to take care of me first. I blog to help myself see where I have been and where I am going. I know my experience is not unique and I hope it can help others. When you comment and share your honest experiences it helps me.



bbubblyb said...

I often wish we had crossed paths sooner, but glad we have now. It's true that we have to take care of ourselves and if that means leaving some behind it just has to be that way. When it comes to blogs yes some are painful to read at times but I definitely can understand the need to walk away at times. Life does need to be about putting healthy foods, things and people in our lives that will help us along our own journey.

KCLAnderson (Karen) said...

I very much agree...and second Dawn's comment. I find that it's this way with many aspects in life, not just health/weight/food. Like attracts like so you might as well surround yourself with the people and things that boost you, not hold or push you down!

downsizers said...

We have to trust those "gut" feelings and understand how what we see on blogs may affect us. You are right. This has been a hard won victory for you and many others. Using our intuition is pretty reliable I think and we need to surround ourselves with those who are progressing for the most part and trying. I do feel sorry for people who can't seem to figure it out or can't find the resolve to get the job done but we can't do it for them. I have stopped following blogs that have turned into a soap opera and I also don't care to look at pictures of food too much. It's their blog and we all blog for ourselves so it's best sometimes to leave the ones behind who don't help us.

Kelliann said...

I know the blog you are speaking of, and I actually made the same decision last week. It's a lovely blog, but I am not going to do that to myself.
It's hard to be selfish. I am learning slowly that sometimes recovery requires us to be just that.

Vickie said...

I have sort of been on the fence about this year's group of maintenance bloggers who gained weight and are not working to remove it.

I don't know if it was weird year or what.

They have decided to keep the extra pounds and buy bigger clothes.

So there are a lot of rationale posts being written.

And some of them have sort of turned into foodies. so that is the tone of a lot of the other posts.

I am afraid where they might be in another year's time.

HUGE difference in what these bloggers embodied over the years and where their minds are now.

It is hard to see. And I have had to walk away from their current writings. But I do go back and look for some of their old posts from time to time.

Anonymous said...

There is one blogger who I read when I first started eating differently. She was so inspirational. THEN she started posting fat laden recipes. I wrote her and asked her what gives? Medifast one moment followed by a giant pile of spaghetti and sausage - but it was made with organic veggies so it was OK! LOL I told her I thought it was sort of ambushy to put a pile of pictures of that food on a weight loss centered blog and I thought she was off the wagon. Two things I would want someone to point out to me if I went off the deep end. She denied it, I yanked her from my blogroll. I am not going to point my friends to a woman who is running towards obesity hoping others will be drug down with her.

Anonymous said...

Plus, worse - is her readers were oohing and aweing over the food. She was a binge instigator. You want to go off your diet or your plan - go right ahead, but do not drag other's down with you just because misery wants some company.

OK I feel better now. LOL

Jane Cartelli said...

Dawn - What matters is that we support each other in getting well today. Hugs.

KCL - It is sort of like removing the weeds that choke the healthy plants in the garden.

Downsizers - I have to also keep from getting pulled into the situations where things are bright and colorful and even funny at times but ultimately not healthy, those are sometimes harder to figure out.

Kelliann - darn, I tried so hard to cover it up and change the details a bit to hide the blogger. Thank you though, for not outing her.

Vickie - YOU WROTE:
" HUGE difference in what these bloggers embodied over the years and where their minds are now. It is hard to see. "

This is why I think it is important to encourage comments and share with as many people as possible. It is hard to see ourselves sometimes and to see how our basic message and beliefs are morphing into something that is not necessarily good.

Feel free to hold that mirror up to me anytime.

Munchie - That was a good call. I will always support a blogger who is struggling just as long as they are not promoting food and a return to unhealthy eating. The minute they shout "free food" in a crowded theater, I am outathere.

Unknown said...

Hi Jane, I personally have never done well with anything but very basic food. I know I can successful make fattening recipes that I don't--because I end up eating them.

If it is any food too special, it causes me problems. So I also avoid those people arguing for fancy desserts in moderation. Knowing thyself, that will never work!

:-) Marion

Jane Cartelli said...

I have been told that by many people. I am in too much denial to accept it in myself today, but I am willing to see that it is a possibility in my future. I have needed to release even seasonings that caused my taste buds too much excitement but i am not yet willing to let go of everyting.