Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Where is Our Morning After Pill?

*this post takes no position on moral or ethical issues involving the 'morning after pill' as a method of birth control or protection from unplanned pregnancy. The 'pill' referred to in this post relates only to weight loss.

If I throw caution to the wind and interact inappropriately with my lying, good-for-nothing Lover (food) I find myself regretting it the next morning and there is no pill I can take to make sure I do not gain weight; no emergency digestion intervention. My manifestation of this disease does not include bulimia and even if it did: bulimia is not a next-day remedy. Bulimia does not negate an entire meal every time one purges.

I am a failed bulimic. I tried it a few times over the years and could not bring myself to throw up, no matter how much or what I ate. I spoke with a dear friend recovering from that manifestation of eating disorder. She shared with me that, after purging, it is common to go back and eat again. Although the act of purging got easier as her disease progressed, the results became less effective as a way to maintain her weight- not to mention it can kill you by rupturing your body and throwing your electrolytes into such imbalance that your heart stops! It is not a 'safe and effective pill.' 
Not my jeans - yet

If I eat too much or eat the wrong things and I repeat my eating behavior again and again, in a short time the results will begin to show. There is no hiding in tent dresses and pants with elastic waists. I kept a few different sizes of clothes around for plump days vs. thin days. Now I discard clothing as soon as it gets loose. I do not have things with expanding waists (except for my workout clothes). I do not hold on to the larger sizes. No giving myself a place to hide and my disease likes to hide. I cannot allow it any hiding places in my life. I resent this. I resent that I cannot allow myself a few days of freedom (there is nothing "free" about it - it is a return to hell) because it will always include a weight gain of one or two sizes, even if it is just for a few days. I am not worried that I could not recover from a weight gain. I am worried that one day I will just not care enough to stop and gain three sizes, four . . . five.

The best way I have heard this described is 'not being in a fit spiritual condition.' When I am in a fit, spiritual condition I can go anywhere and do anything without hearing the siren call of food. I do not have to avoid food situations at every turn because I am released from the obsession by a power and  feeling of peace that fills me in a way food never will. When I am not spiritually fit I start to think that there is no answer.

If we accept that a break from doing what works can be lethal, why do we entertain the idea anyway?

Please write and share your thoughts and experiences.



Norma said...

I'm in the same boat, Jane. All it takes is a minor dietary f***-up to put the scale up four or five pounds that will take me two or three weeks to rectify. And that is just from a physical/scale standpoint; the mental damage and regret I have felt after a big "cheat day" or even a "cheat meal" is totally not worth it. I have very little room for error with how I eat and exercise; it's just part of the deal and that "constant vigilance" that I always talk about as the key to successful maintenance. Living as if I were still in the weight loss process, as any mindless eating or thinking "now I can eat like other people eat" leads to gaining. The war is never over.

Mary Ellen Quigley said...

I used to always look forward to the day after a weigh-in because it was my "cheat" day. If I lost, I would allow myself ice cream or a piece of cake or a cookie. Then I realized that every time I did that it took me days to lose the few pounds that came from eating it. It was doing more harm than good. I never want to reach the point where gaining a few pounds is ok or needing a bigger pair of pants isn't a big deal. It was that sort of attitude that caused me to get this big in the first place. I have no doubt that the struggle will never end. I will always have to police myself, but I am fine with that.

Princess Dieter aka Mir said...

I think we know we are "mostly" healed when we let go of the crisis way of food handling: exercise followed by "Oh, I can eat cake now, since I burned off X calories" or the post-weigh-in mini-binges or the use of the dangerous stuff we read about (laxatives, throwing up) or the weird fast and crash pattern (eat, go days with fasting or hardly eating, binge, go days of fasting or barely eating).

It's when there is food calm nearly every day, day in and day out, that we can assume we're in the healing zone.

When it's constant "making up" or crisis management, we're still deep in the unhealthy food mode.

Pills that remediate are part of NOT being healed. In fact, I think weight loss pills in general are NOT part of being healed. It's still part of masking symptoms of dysfunction.

I want to FUNCTION. I am working on FITNESS with regard to food. ANd most days, most days, I am in a fit mental state with regard to food. I thank God, and I work to continue healing and not "backsliding" to the crazed-dieting ways of doing and thinking.

Pills...they're usually a sign something is wrong and they have all sorts of side effects.

If I were Empress, I'd ban diet pills.

Beth@WeightMaven said...

I like the concept of "fit spiritual condition." Re going off plan, I just recently posted this as the quote of the day on my blog. It resonated with me!

"For the most part, the dose makes the poison ... so unless cheating will start you on a binge, it’s better to say “I am going to eat these street tacos because they’re delicious and I want some” than to try to convince yourself that corn is paleo. ...

[That said, remember that the] pleasure of junk food lasts until it slides down your throat: the pleasure of good health manifests itself 24/7 in better sleep, less pain, greater mental clarity and capacity, and greater physical ability. "

Caron said...

I agree with you. I've proved it to myself. I can gain five pounds in a few days that will take me weeks to lose. I could not go the bulimia route either. If I ate it, it was there to stay -- mostly on my hips. Sigh. Now, I enjoy knowing that everything in my closet fits and I'm staying healthy. :)

Anonymous said...

Ugh. Maybe it is easter that got me thinking about my own state of my spirit. I sort of find myself in limbo. It is disconcerting.

Bulimia. My mom once said - "It is a pitty you cannot learn to just throw it up". Sad lady. I was right there with her. I so wished to be a bulimic as well. So glad I couldn't.

Blogs are my quasi morning after pill. It may not undo mistakes, but it stops the spiral. I go to KCLA, you, Vickie, Ellen, Kara. I love all my bloggies, but those are my lifeline each for a different reason. Then I go out and encourage others. It is like salve.

Maren said...

I've had thoughts like that on occasion. But I try to shake it off as fast as I can. Definitely not a road I want to go down!

Wishful Shrinking said...

I am so great to be working a program that helps me and supports me to be in fit spritual condition. Everyday everywhere I go. I am on the last day of an 11 day vacation in Mexico. I ate my planned meals and keep my program solid. The gifts recovery have given me in return. Easy scuba diving with less weights then ever before. Easy bike riding to the store. Tons of swimming and walking with not being tired out or out of breath. The biggest gift being present for every second.

Wishful Shrinking said...

grateful... not great.. sheesh

Jane Cartelli said...

All of your comments were excellent. There was so much honesty and sharing in these comments. I adore you all for sharing.

Maia Dobson said...

I agree that being fit is a spiritual condition. Diet plans can also be just a placebo effect. I went to have a Long Island plastic surgery last year and now I realize it can work even with just pills, or exercise as long as I keep on claiming in my thoughts that I'll get the body I want.

daniellaprice30 said...

The lovenox prices are going down so I suggest you get your own supplements. It's important to have healthy body and be protected from any disease.