Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mother's Day 2012

Caution: Some common trigger foods mentioned but only as they relate to past behaviors. 

When all the various generations of in-laws were alive our family would visit with the extended family for Mothers Day. That meant Italian pastries at one house, Polish desserts at another, and giant ice cream sundaes back at home at the end of the day - usually eaten while I rehashed all the conversations of the day and built resentments to savor with every spoonful of ice cream. Ice cream was how I coped with a lot of feelings.

Twenty years ago we moved to Florida and Mothers Day became all about me. We got 1200 miles away from the dessert caravan and developed our own Mother's Day food traditions that continued until a few years ago with breakfast was in bed, consisting of a three egg omelet with Boar's head ham and mozzarella and Swiss cheese with sauteed mushrooms on top and a side of sliced strawberries, cut to resemble cut little hearts. This was followed by coffee and doughnuts after church in the church social hall.  Then a lunch of two kinds of shrimp salad on twin rolls and a Corona beer with a lime - eaten while I watched A Woman Scorned: the Betty Broderick Story and Her Final Fury: The Betty Broderick Story, Part 2 from my fluffy reclining chair. (don't ask about Betty Broderick - I had a strange fascination with the story, which means I am strange and need therapy). Of course there was dessert. We still had our northern family via phone calls and  ice cream sundaes were still how I buried my feelings. 

More than food changed over the past few years. I am learning to feel the feelings - good bad or indifferent - and not use food to hide from things that are unpleasant or make me anxious in positive or negative ways. It is not always easy. Often it is hard. Binges weren't all that easy either. Carrying around an extra 200 pounds - damn hard. In feeling the feelings without the masking effect of my food-drugs of choice, I get through them and move on without damaging my body or packing on pounds. 

Now on Mother's Day I make my own (different) breakfast and I prefer not to eat in bed.  We don't hang around for the coffee and doughnuts after church.I still eat one shrimp salad but I don't eat twin rolls and we don't have a recliner. I am still having my tri-annual Corona Beer. (I drink three beers a year - assuming they are Corona and we have limes). Betty Broderick is off of the menu (and still behind bars, which is a good thing as she shows no remorse). This year we are going to the movies to see Dark Shadows, make phone calls to our loved ones who are not in Florida and enjoy what comes to us in our day.  I will feel the feelings and not seek to hide from them or cover them over with fudge and cherries. There will not be any ice cream sundaes. It is a plan that works for me. That is the best thing of all.  

Have a great Mother's Day. Feel every bit of the day and know that you can do it without hurting yourself with food. 



Vickie said...

such a great post. adding it to my links for next year.

I agree, we can change if we pay attention and prioritize and establish boundaries. Amazing how food/nonfood can be linked to emotions and events, I agree.

Now I am off to look up Betty Broderick. . .

Jane Cartelli said...

She is a pathological narrcisst who murdered ex husband and his new wife. not the best roll model for a mother. a step below Joan Crawford re: Christina Crawford's Mommie Dearest.

Jane Cartelli said...

Vickie - Being added to your future posts is always a wonderful compliment - thank you, Vickie!

Unknown said...

Hi Jane! Mother's Day is about being a mother, not about food. I think it's also about what mother wants. I told my husband that I did not want to go to buffet! He was disappointed, but he eats out very often.

We did go in search of the perfect pastry, but having one special pastry is NOTHING like the calories I would have had at a buffet. I had more fun and far less calories.

I've talked to my husband about choosing quality over quantity for food. He just does not buy that idea.

Happy Mother's Day!

:-) Marion

bbubblyb said...

Great post, reminded me of the ice cream sundae days. I too use to bury my feelings in ice cream. Nice to be free of so much of that. Glad you had a good Mother's Day.