Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Checking in, June 20, 2012

Many people have asked how am I doing. I have a plan each day for my food. It has to come before everything else if I am going to get through the emotional turmoil each day brings. Therefore, it comes first, pure and simple. Solace cannot be found in food. Not today. Right now I am eating to live, not living to eat. I do not care what my food is as long as it is within my guidelines, balanced to my food plan and simple to prepare. For today, that is what I need.

I appreciate all your thoughts, prayers and concern. This is one of those times when it would be very easy to join other family members in their chocolate brownie sundaes, resentments, calzones and animosity. I fight to keep from going there. I stick with my food plan so I can remember that I do not need to be drawn in. My mentor reminds me that I do not need to play anyone else's reindeer games. 

Turning down dessert does not mean I loved my mother more. Having dessert would not prove I loved her more, either. Cake (or chips, or the cheese platter) are not undying proof of anything. 

I am grateful to be sharing in discussions of feelings and moving forward in a positive direction, as best I can, under these sad and painful circumstances. I am filling my soul. I could not do that if I was stuffing my face. My oldest daughter gave me the gift of her time and insight today and with that gift I have the strength to get through these next few days of sorting through my mother's belongings and planning her service for next week. 

It is all one day at a time. 

Jane~

10 comments:

Karen said...

That is a great way of dealing with it , Jane. Very healthy. You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

It's never easy but kudos for putting your needs first and walking through the grief. Karen P

Munchberry said...

So good to hear from you. As you know you will have these good moments where you start to feel like normal and then it will all of a sudden cloud over. Remember it is normal and that it will pass.

You know who to lean on when times are tough. My continued thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

Caron said...

It's good to hear from you. Yes, one day at a time is all we ever really have. You are making wise choices in a difficult time. Hang in there. Blessings.

Vickie said...

was very thankful you took the time to write and that you are treading water carefully. Write more as you can. We are here for you.

Melanie said...

Hi Jane - thanks for taking the time to post. You've been in my thoughts and prayers quite a bit.

One minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time - you can get through this without using food.

Kelliann said...

Continuing to think of you and send prayers for your healing.

bbubblyb said...

So sorry to hear about your mom but glad you're taking care of yourself. Sending prayers and caring thoughts your way. Hugs

affectionforfitness said...

Ah, Jane, this is so wise. Food can never be solace for what you're going through.

:-) Marion

yesterdaysexcess.com said...

Thank you for the update. You and your family are still in my thoughts. I hope that going through your Mothers things helps heal the pain and sparks some memories of good time you have enjoyed with her in the past.

Dennis said...

Great post, it looks like it would get easier over time but it really doesn't seem to in my case. Alcoholism is much easier to deal with than overeating.