Doomed is a strong word. Some people hate it or deny their food issues are so bad. That was my cycle. This is a strong disease we are fighting. Get over the term and look to what is important. Here are the 8 signposts up on the cycling path. Eight because the figure eight is a sign for eternity. These were me. That is the life I led for many months and years. Even when I re-read entries and saw my own experiences and understood (kinda), what I was doing to myself, I stayed on the same cycling path again and again because I could not see the path. I had plausible deniability, which is really just blind unwillingness to be honest with myself about my actions and their results.
- I am doing well, I am strong, I am past this. It is a great time to (fill in with celebrate occasion or go on vacation) - but I will certainly do everything right while I am celebrating/traveling at least most of the time)
- I have a plan and I
followed itthought about it much mostsome of the time and it is okay that I went off a bit because I was (vacation/celebrating)
- I had a wonderful time. I was not perfect but that is okay. I haven't gotten on the scale yet because I am sure I gained a couple of pounds but that's okay because I will not let this become my life.
- I am hanging in there. I just need, like, 2 or 3 days to ease back to my normal food and exercise and I will be as
good as new, right as rain, fit to go. Did you see this recipe for lemon butter cookie cupcakes?
- Why is this so hard? Why can't I stop eating junk? Why can't I focus. Why do I feel so bad?
- I struggled, but I am past it. It only took
two, three, six weeks to get back on track but I gained so much growth in my emotions and I feel really good about me today that it is okay that I am up 10-15-35 pounds because I know this time I will lose it for good. (smiley faces)
- I am never repeating what I did when I was (fill in celebrating or on vacation)
- I am doing well, I am strong, I am past this. This is a great time to (fill in vacation or celebration) - but I will certainly do everything right while I am . . . . . . . .
That was me. I am not criticizing anyone who is on their own well worn cycling path. I am not making light of your pain. I am not chastising your version of plausible deniability. This is my life as I lived it in food addiction. I write about it here because if one person can see themselves in my behavior and find a way to get off the path, it is worth repeating my story.
How did I get off the cycling path? It wasn't easy. It is a war and ALL war is based on deception. I had to deceive myself into doing it. I had to act myself into a new way of thinking. I had to stop eating the addictive foods and trust that my mind would follow my body into wellness. I had to do it every day. Day in and day out. I had to ask for help and then accept help when offered. I had to not stop. Loss of momentum is deadly in this war. Thinking I can take a break is a deception.
When it became my new way of thinking I was on my way to getting better but I can never again take the path of plausible deniability. Addiction is not something that is cured. I will never wake up and find that today it is okay for me to eat a whole pizza or a dozen cookies. I may never manage to have a single cupcake without bringing back the cravings for more and more and more. Maybe you can - it has not happened for me and I do not know if it ever will. Do I want to take that chance today? Is it worth it to have a cupcake?
Keeping the pounds off my body has worked because I stopped repeating my old cycle and replaced it with a new one.
- I am well because I do not to eat the foods that weaken me when I am under their power.
- I have a plan and I follow it even if the 'other' food is free, plentiful and to-die-for
- Perfection is not the goal. Honesty with peace of mind + body is the goal
- No additional days of my life need to be wasted on recovering from the wrong foods
- I do what I have to do to be open, honest and willing so I can be well
- Life is a gift with an unknown expiration date. I do not lose days to food
- I do not lose today waiting or whining for tomorrow's food
- I am well because I do not eat the foods that weaken me when I am under their power.
How have you broken your cycle? What new cycle is working today in your life?