Tears are words from the heart that cannot be spoken. ~Author Unknown
First: a dull (and possibly slanted) history lesson. I have always had an interest in Eleanor Roosevelt. My parents took me to Hyde Park (FDR's home) when I was very young and we went back several times. As an adult, I have traveled there at least three or four more times. The TV mini-series Eleanor and Franklin and Eleanor and Franklin: the White House Years was excellent (IMHO) and I have read many of the biographies on Eleanor and FDR and some biographies and essays on people in their family and in their lives.
When I was growing up I hated Eleanor's maternal grandmother, Mary Hall. I was a child and unable to understand that Mary was not being a meanie to her granddaughter. She kept Eleanor away from her father because he was a severe alcoholic (oh, and Mary hated him because she thought he ruined her daughter's life). Anyway, that is why I didn't like Mary Hall. Come to think of it, she did not have much compassion for her son-in-law. However, that was a time when addiction was not understood at all and since even today many people do not accept it is not a lifestyle choice to be an addict, I cannot beat up poor Mary anymore.
Eleanor, as an adult, was often accused of hiding her emotions and feelings. Her children often found her reserved and somewhat less than warm and loving. Mary Hall taught Eleanor when she was a little girl "Crying upsets people. If you have to do it, go into the bathroom and run the taps!" My mother loved that line. Mom always hide her own tears. She was uncomfortable with the tears of others.
I like tears. I think they are tiny little cleansing, healing waves of emotion and they need to come out for people to be truly open, honest and free. When my Dad died in 2005 I cried only a little and I found it next to impossible to cry for the next three years. The tears just wouldn't come. When they did finally let loose it was an amazingly good feeling to find myself feeling and healing, It took two years.
I cried over my mom for three weeks, except when I was around my brother - because he is one of those people for whom tears are uncomfortable. I, in misguided attempts to be supportive him in dealing with our mutual pain, thought I should not distress him. he never asked me to stop. It was my decision. That is when I also stopped he deep sighs that came out of me every time I thought of her suddenly. By the time I got home from New York the sighing was gone. The crying was mostly gone but not because I was done crying. The barrier had gone up. It has taken me the rest of the summer but damn it, the barrier is down and tears are flowing. With the tears comes healing and acceptance. Those little cleansing waves of emotion are healthy and good and they are conducive to keeping the pounds off.
How did I get the tears back? I put down any foods I had picked up in the past two months that were on my Yellow list: things seldom in my daily plan but not part of the list of Red additive foods. The Yellow list foods were becoming too frequent. I went back to my Green light food list and the change is good. Imagine where my feelings would be if I had been eating foods on my Red list. I imagine that the tears would have been back, but they would have been under the influence of active addiction and therefore would be tears without the healing properties I believe in. They would have been tears wrapped in food thoughts.
Have you let tears flow that were blocked? Are you holding back tears?