Monday, January 28, 2013

The Little Death

Think of the expression "I've died and gone to heaven!" It is always in response to something that has stimulated the senses. Touch, smell, sound, sight and of course taste - the senses that lead us to have pleasure in people, places and things . Things that cause many to utter this phrase are usually edible.

A guest at a party came up to me with a piece of cake and said "When I die and go to Heaven, St Peter will greet me and he will hand me a piece of this cake." At that time I replied "If it is Heaven, he will offer the whole cake." Later on, I thought "He can offer the whole cake but because it is heaven, one slice will be enough."

That was six years ago. Now I think if  I am graced with an afterlife that includes a heavenly reward, I certainly hope my senses will be gratified with the sight and touch of loved ones and the embrace of my Creator. I hope I will not be looking for a piece of anything edible. I expect more from death then food.

The French call orgasm the "little death." While their meaning may be different than I see it, I take 'the little death' to mean 'a pleasure so encompassing that when it ends the body responds as in the physical submission of a being in the act of dying.' Think of that feeling at the end of an orgasm: that total surrender and release. . . . that brief moment when we are completely spent and the body relaxes. Perhaps in death there is that same one brief moment of complete and total surrender and peace. Do I feel that when I bite into things like Death by Chocolate, Killer Cake, or anything else proclaimed as "to Die For?"

I know I felt that Little Death feeling for a brief second as my mouth took in the first taste of whatever orgasmic food I was eating but oh how fleeting that feeling was. The rub here is there is no 'little death' with the second bite or with any other bite. The feeling is not even there long enough to last through swallowing the first bite. It is so brief that it cannot sate the lust for the food. So more and more is consumed yet there is no chance for being multi-orgasmic -try though this addict will! No matter what, it is all over in the first bite. I could never see that while in the food mentality but I know it when I am mentally clean and food sober.

Can any food be that good? Are there orgasmic cupcakes, pizza or cookies. (For the Seinfeld fans) is any frosting or icing "sponge(cake) worthy?" Is a food - any food that causes a reaction of orgasmic satisfaction - healthy for a food addict? I can only decide the answer for me. And for me, I have to say the answer seems to be a resounding no.

My food has been clean again for six days. I am grateful to be food sober physically, emotionally and spiritually. I thought of the topic of this post months ago but never finished it. It seemed like a good topic today. I am down 12 pounds in 6 days from the 32 pounds I put on between January 12th and January 22nd. Keeping the pounds off again is a beautiful feeling.

If you too believe that orgasmic foods are not healthy for you, how can we remind ourselves to pass up the orgasmic foods in the future?



Anonymous said...

Jane- you inspire me. You are the reason I'm on a healthy road. Just wanted to say thank you.

Unknown said...

Hi Jane, I'm glad you're back on track. I think we just have to keep reminding ourselves how destructive these foods are. I certainly remember it very well when I was 50 pounds fatter. I never want to go back to that miserable state.

:-) Marion

bbubblyb said...

It really is about not having that first bite.

Princess Dieter aka Mir said...

Just checking and see you've had a time of it, sister! But look at you, sober again. And I'm fighting to regain my calm appetite footing's been a struggle.

I think food sin is like any sin. There is a pleasure or reward attached to it. And there are times when we overcome and, if we don't watch it, it sneaks back and crouches at our door, ready to find our weak moment to jump on us again. Doesn't matter what the weakness is, when we think we're totally in control and stop being vigilant, oops, there it is.

For some of us, food vigilance is just a part of life or we're back to square one soon enough with the poundage. We're never out of the woods entirely. We always have to watch for the wolves.

And with some foods, trigger foods, it is about abstinence. Some things handle us--we don't handle them.

I'm reading SALT FAT SUGAR by Michael Moss right now, and I'm still in the first part about SUGAR, and it's amazing. Amazing. The power of it.

Really proud of you, back on it, fighting it, winning the daily fight.

We press on.

God bless, lady!

Leslie said...

I've also just read through your last posts, beginning with the cookie planning. I've been struggling myself and praying for acceptance that I really am a food addict through and through. I can say it glibly, but to really own it, know it at the deepest level of my being, is tough. Unpalatable, to lapse into eating related phraseology.

I have a long history of recovery in AA. Putting down the booze was tough, but compared to my food struggles, it was a piece of cake (oops, there is another). Food was my first addiction, and during years when I was very thin and not lured as much by food, I discovered liquid sugar, which got the job done in a different, and somehow more socially condoned way, crazy as that is.

I don't want to be a food addict, but wishing doesn't make it so. I greatly appreciate your honesty, and, and I apologize for emailing you that it seemed your took this all too seriously. I see it now as a matter of life or death. And whether talking about spiritual death or physical death, I am not ready for either. I'm rooting for you, and for myself, on this very challenging journey.

Mom to the Fourth Power said...

That is quite an interesting description of "the little death" in food. I don't know if I'm wanting my husband home right now or a piece of chocolate cake... hmmm... lol

But I think it does deserve some thought, because when you do think about it, (the wrong) food is so temporarily satisfying and the guilt and displeasure afterwards (for me) is far greater than the fleeting pleasure.

I think for me, I need to have REPLACEMENT food, that is healthy that I love, so I don't feel deprived and so I can have some sense of a little death even in a healthy way.