Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Into the Silence Passes Another

I notice when blogs become inactive without notice of an expected change from the blogger. When a blogger goes quiet and stays that way they could be hiding from honesty while having an unhealthy relationship with raw cookie dough. Or perhaps they have just reached a place where sharing their experience with others is no longer of value to them.

I can't do this alone. Keeping the pounds off is herculean and does not happen in isolation. Not for me.  I know this today.  I have yet to find anyone who succeeds alone. I hope I never think I can do it alone. Everyone who has kept their weight off long term has maintained support on various fronts (recovery friends, weekly meetings, paid professionals, fellow bloggers) and the true survivors never consider themselves an Island of One.  If I ever reach a place where I am losing the physical, emotional and spiritual attitude needed to maintain this victory over the battle of obesity I hope to God I do not go quietly into the candy store, never to be seen again. I am able to communicate to the people around me that I need help and scream in shouty capital letters to those of you reading my blog that I do need your support, too.

I have no intention of discontinuing Keeping the Pounds Off. If I ever believe sharing my experience with others no longer helps me in my fight, I promise not to go away without sharing that decision and engaging in discussion. People have taken time to get to know my story and support me here. It would be unfair to go off without a word. I am sad when other people go away without that consideration for others.

Yet, I also understand that a decent, considerate person can be in so much pain, they are unable to give voice (blog or not) to their desperate need for help. Sometimes those bloggers who disappear are people in so much pain they have been rendered unable to care.

Don't disappear into the silence.


* Shouty capital letters is a term used in E.L. James Fifty Shades series. I stole it. 


Unknown said...

Hi Jane! I'm not sure if a blog is enough support for someone in pain. I'm just thinking of times when I wrote something very important to me on my blog and got a poor/insignificant response back. Blogging can be fickle.

Like you, I also go to a support group each week. There, I get hugs and attention. I give it too. It is an extremely happy thing for me because I don't get that same type of attention anywhere else in my life.

Hell, we have *many* boxes of Girl Scout cookies on our dining room table right now. Pre-group, I would have eaten those cookies, even as a fitness blogger. So people should not mistake the virtual world as being the same as real hugs from a support group. Blogging is good but, at least in my mind, it doesn't complete one's needs.

:-) Marion

Karen said...

We are stronger together! I cannot connect with the correct group f people when I need to connect without my blog. Finding wheat free , dairy free ( or not) and long term weight maintainers is tough.

If I read the Popular long-term weight maintenance blogs I would believe that I need to eat fiber one and run half marathons , and be in pain & inflammation to be to keep my weight off. We have a lot of common overlap but I need additional support and acceptance for a clean eating always, Holidays and birthdays included.
Glad you will not go radio silence.

E. Jane said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jane Cartelli said...

Silence in posting is not the same as silence in commenting. I was not referring to comments or responses to comments. I refer only to the blogs and how people do retreat from their own posts with silence.

I don't use my blog to generate income. It does not have to be popular - it has to be fun for me. I have to like how it looks and say what I want. A blog cannot provide all I need to succeed and I do not expect any other blogger to be the single ingredient that keeps me going. I like blogging because I love to write. I do it for me. I don't do it for you and I don't read your blog for you - if I read it, I read it for me. If you are reading my blog, I believe I owe an explanation and farewell if I ever decided to stop.

I do not read blogs of other people to get them to read and comment on mine. I thought that was the point at the start but that was four years ago. Today I read when I find identify with the posts, when I find instruction, information, inspiration, hope, and attitude adjustment for the better. I comment when I want to, not because I am expected to.

E. Jane said...

My comment about lack of interaction did not mean that other bloggers were expected to comment. Of course that's not the case. My point was that blogging takes time and effort, and if there is no give and take, or little response, of course the blogger will eventually go silent.

This is only one reason, however, that bloggers go silent. There are many that are personal in nature. My point was that for most of us there has to be a two-way street in the blogging life, as in most endeavors in life, for it to be a worthwhile endeavor.

RedPanda said...

Hmm... I don't get any support in maintenance. I don't have a blog, but I like reading other people's blogs for ideas, inspiration, or just the sense of belonging to a group.

Nor do I attend meetings or get support from a paid professional. In fact, I don't know anyone IRL who is a long-term weight loss maintainer.

Finding wheat free, dairy free (or not) and long term weight maintainers is tough.

Karen - I know what you mean. I'm "almost" dairy and wheat free, but certainly not as Paleo as you.

I'm a member of the Maintainers' Forum at the 3 Fat Chicks site, but I don't really gel with them either. There's a lot of talk about bingeing or preventing bingeing and I don't relate to that at all.

It can get lonely. I've just had lunch at work and had to endure, for millionth time, questions about bringing my lunch to work every day, and comments about how "organised" I am. [Eyeroll]

RedPanda said...

I forgot to mention my husband, who is very supportive. He's a long-term maintainer too, but as he's never been an emotional eater and didn't grow up as a fat child or teenager, it's different for him.

He doesn't think about food and only eats when he's hungry, so just doesn't get the "constant vigilance" thing. Imagine that!