Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Oh for Crying Out Loud!

The title of this post was one of my paternal grandfather's two favorite reactions to anything in life. He either said 'Oh for crying out loud' or 'Jesus H. Christ!' , with emphasis on the J for some reason. 

Recently I was asked Have you cried recently. My reply, "Um, hm, you mean like in secret or in front of other people?"  Either?  "Well, no I haven't."  What are you waiting for?

I do whatever I have to not to cry in front of other people. I don't know why I fight it or hide it. I do not know why I chide myself internally for crying. Okay, I do know that last one. If I am seen crying someone may ask me an intimate question and I may not want to answer it. Or is it that other people will judge me for my crying? They may tell me that my reason for tears is not good enough. Then I will have to kill them for being insufferably judgemental and stupid. I remember someone once telling me my feelings were misplaced and wrong and "that is nothing to cry over."  I can't believe I said nothing and let that person still walk the earth. Quite honestly, I cannot believe she can dress herself in the morning and find the front door to go out - she is that stupid.

Lately I find myself unable to cry when alone. I used to be able to drop a pint of tears at the drop of a Kleenex commercial. I was writing a condolence message to someone who recently lost their grandmother. Reminding her of the importance of allowing herself to feel the grieving process, I wrote 

When I let go and let myself feel the loss and pain, I make room for more of my mother's cherished spirit to fill my soul.

My eyes are hazel. In this photo they look blue.
When I get crying they turn a vivid emerald.
I wrote it for her but I think I meant it as a reminder to me. I am eating too much lately and not always the best food. I cannot purge food so I better purge whatever if blocking my emotions and giving me an unholy appetite. I need a couple of good, tear-evoking TV episodes or movies to cleanse my tear ducts. At one time I could put on one of a dozen Little House on the Prairie episodes and cry a river but lately I can't even moisten a Puffs tissue - even when baby Charlie dies, Mary's baby dies, Alice dies or Pa has to kill Bunny. The Walton's isn't doing it for me. . . not even Lassie.  I need new fictional sorrow. 

If you want to make yourself cry (without conjuring up horrible scenarios in your head), what TV show or movie would help you start the flood flowing? 



Norma said...

There's this old Christmas special (stop-motion animation) called "Nestor, the Long-Eared Donkey." I saw it once when I was about 7 years old and couldn't watch it, I was crying so hard...any time since that I've stumbled upon it being shown, I've had to change the channel post haste as I get choked up even thinking about it.

Anonymous said...

Here, Yeller.
Come back, Yeller.
Best doggone dog in the west.

Amy said...

The end of Forrest Gump always makes me cry, no matter how many times I see it. Hope you find an outlet for your tears!

Rebecca said...

I went through several years in the early 2000's where I just couldn't cry, and I had a lot of sad moments. Then one day I watched the movie "Pay it Forward", and the last 10 minutes of the movie made me ball...and it still does to this day (though I cry more regularly now at normal life's sadnesses). I remember how good it felt to cry that day...

Caron said...

I remember silently weeping at a movie when we were first married. When the lights came up, he laughed at me and I have not let that happen again. I will fight that lump in my throat like crazy and be miserable rather than let him see me cry. Weird huh?

The silliest movie ending always makes me cry and it is a Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan movie called "You've Got Mail." I'm not even sure why that ending gets to me.

FredT said...

anyways, what does the "H" stand for?

Jane Cartelli said...

Norma - I will look for it.

Anony - Can't do the animal movies where the dog/cat/horse dies. I will never get back to what I need to cry over.

Amy - I love Forest but like a box of chocolates I never know if that will make me cry from one day to the next.

Becca - was was sooo not expecting the death in that movie. I never saw it after the first time. I have an aversion to anything where they kill off kids. (I get ticked off in life alot).

Caron - You've Got mail is the movie that does my oldest girl in every time. We cannot even mention the title without her tearing up. If she reads this response she will start crying. . . . I think I might try it.

Fred - I always assumed the H stood for Holy. I never asked him because he was a drunk and I do not think he knew the answer himself.

Anonymous said...

I can't watch American Idol or X Factor or any singing show without bawling and bawling. When people are pouring out all that feeling into a song it hits me hard for some reason. An instant cry is, Love is a losing game by Amy Winehouse. Oh what honesty she put in her singing.( God puts gifts in unique packages if you have the eyes to see it and the ears to hear it ) A funny story, Once I heard my brother telling a girl on the phone- I always cry when someone sings, you know when they are really feelin it. HUH! Wonder where he got THAT from. LOL -H from Texas