Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Do I have a Choice?

A radio Doctor/Host, said this the other day:
Nothing we do for someone else will ever be permanent. If you give up drinking, drugs or lose weight for your spouse, your children, a prize or an occasion you will eventually pick up the unhealthy behavior again - without fail. If you do it for your friends, your sponsor, your parents, your boss or your pet - nothing will have the same staying power as when you do it for yourself. 

He forgot to mention that the trick is you have to believe that you are worth it. Believe it in your heart and soul. 

I must believe I have value and I am well worth the life-long effort of keeping the pounds off or my behavior will not be permanent and I will regain. If I do not accept the need to do this for me I will be forced to accept the inevitable pounds that come from unhealthy behaviors involving food.

My disease tries to bullshit me into thinking gaining weight is avoidable despite overeating. Ha! Added pounds will always be possible as long as I have the ability to put food in my body. If I turn away from healthy eating behaviors I will regain. 

I don't like knowing this. I liked being the ignorant and innocent weight loss babe who lost her pounds and looked good and felt great. According to the opinions of the general and just-as-ignorant-as-me- public, loosing weight alone must mean I have the ability to keep it off and never gain it back. If I think that is enough then I also might start believing mermaids are real and there is a unicorn at the end of every rainbow.

There is no viable choice. It is the disease of food addiction that leads me to think I have a choice. There is only one viable option - eating healthy and sanely to the best of my ability each and every day. The other option is not viable. It is to return to the hell of overeating with active weight gain and all the pain that accompanies it.

Is that a choice? Is knowing this enough?

I struggle sometimes. I struggle for the willingness to stay the course. Each day I strive to do this to the best of my ability. I pause before I eat in hunger, anger, exhaustion or grieve. I give myself the chance to do the right thing for myself today. Every day. I don't get a day off. The day I think I need a break or a day off from doing what keeps me sane - is a day my disease wins. I don't want my disease to score any more wins.

Are you worth it?



Losing Shorty said...

This is a very powerful post. I agree 100% with you.

Unknown said...

Very well expressed. And I needed to hear this today. I feel the same way. I struggle so hard some days. But I have come to the conclusion that it is the hard days where I'm winning this fight. Easy days are forgettable. Doing what needs to get done on a hard day, for eating purposes, is the difference b/t the persistors and the people who give up when it is hard. We are worth it! It takes a LOT of self-love to do the hard thing out of love for yourself. :D

Laura said...

Great post, Jane. You ARE worth it. I AM worth it. (((Hugs)))

Karen said...

Word!!!!! It's so important to think of this as a 24/7 process. My body does not know that it's a "special day" and I'm giving it substances like processed sugar and wheat.

There is no day, meal or minute that is off.

You are worth it, we are all worth the hard work that it takes to change the habits, processes, and to kick the slippery slope thinking to the curb 24/7.

My mind still tells me to eat crap food. I send those thoughts out- wrapped up in a black garbage bag, sitting on the red no parking curb (my mental image).

Onward, Jane. You are not alone