Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Mood Falling with the Leaves
When the kids were very young we stayed with my brother-in-law's family. Once the kids were grown and I started traveling more independently, I usually stayed with my mother and sometimes with our daughter. My mother lived within walking distance of Central Park and our daughter lived across the street from a most beautiful park in the Bronx. My mom died last June and I was still too raw to enjoy NYC and the fall in 2012. Instead of going to New York in October we went to Washington DC. This year our daughter is in the process of moving into a new sublet so I cannot stay with her right now. My brother has two cats and my sister has a dog and cat. I have allergies - I cannot stay with them during seasons when the windows are closed and the heat is on.
I really do not want to stay with anyone and have a family visit right now anyway. I want to simply be there and enjoy the sights and sounds and temperatures of a northeast fall season for a few days. I have a few days free on my calendar in October but I do not have the financial freedom. My husband gave notice to his employer last month. He is leaving his toxic state job to start his own legal practice as of November 30th. I figure we will have at least six lean months ahead. Now is not the time for me to take this trip. I will have to wait until next year.
Still, I have this hole in my spirit that wants what it wants. I am not looking to eat maple sugar candy and drink hot chocolate fudge. I just want to breathe the scents of fall and wear a scarf without sweating. I want to see the glorious flame colors of trees that grew from nature and not from theme parks. Looking at photos and videos does not fill this hole or make me feel whole.
Sometimes I have to deal with not having the food I want. Sometimes I have to let go of the false control I think I have over a person or a situation. I have to change my attitude and adjust my perspective. This is one of the times I have to change my thinking.
I can do it without acting out with food. I want what I cannot have. If I accept that I can get over it. Acceptance is the key - always.
Do you have to let go and accept something today?