Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

No lie: I am experiencing balance, rational eating, sane exercise and calm in the face of chaos and the unknown (daily living). In other words: I am doing well.

So I was thinking about what happens when I pick up the wrong foods/behaviors/attitudes - how my body reacts and how I react.

When I pick up the wrong food I am aware of it. Bells sometimes ring before I reach for it. Then when I pick it up and have it in my hand - the bells go silent - perhaps to mourn? Or perhaps they just toll differently. For whom do they toll? (Cheesy poetics)

When I eat too much at a meal on a day when I do not track my food as usual I may not realize it because I am not as aware of how much I ate during the day so at dinner I might have too much. This is why I track my food. In neglecting it on the cruise I set myself up. Lesson learned - again.

What I do that works today will only work tomorrow if I do it tomorrow like I do it today. I track my food at home - being away is no excuse.

The thoughts that go through my head when I start down the slippery slope?

This time will be different. You deserve this. You can handle it. One is not going to make a difference . . . . anyone ever hear this breathy whisper in your head?
These are the lies I can tell myself.

Then, once I am in the garbage, I start to think: I can stop after this next bite. I can stop after this meal. . . . I can stop after dinner. Tomorrow will be better. . . .I make deals with myself. "This dessert is so special, I can only get it here - I will not be able to have it after today so why not . . . .

Truth: Eating certain foods (special or not) activates the physical and mental craving in my mind and body. So what if I cannot get that special dessert ever again - does that make it safe to have it today? Do I want to take that risk? Once that physical and mental obsession with the ingredients in the "special food" is activated, what will stop me from seeking out something else tomorrow? There are always foods of far lessor quality readily available on every corner to feed the addiction when it demands to be fed. If I start, who can say if I will really find the ability stop again? Or stop before doing so much damage I never find my way back to what I had before that bite.

The risk is real. I picked up a package of Reese's peanut better cups in 1992 and did not find my way back into sane eating until 2006. Food addiction tells me "This food is worth the risk."  Food addiction lies. Don't believe the lies.

Do you think a food could be worth the risk?



Laura said...

Your reese cup thing has happened to me too. So many times. I'll be on a "diet" and next thing I know- I'm off of it! For months or years. Rinse. Repeat.

Difference this time- it's not a diet. It's real life.

Caron said...

I make all the same excuses when I want to eat something I know I should leave on the table or the shelf.

We once spent three weeks living in a motel and eating every meal out. We made very bad choices and I gained ten pounds. I carried those ten pounds around for the next several years. In my opinion, it is NOT worth it.