Monday, December 9, 2013

Support Begins With You

Is it hard to find support in own your home during this holiday season? Certainly it is reasonable to expect to find support in the safe haven of our own home but it is unreasonable to expect our families to understand, know and anticipate all our needs if we have wavered in respecting these same needs ourselves.

How many times have you told your family you were NOT going to eat something - and then you ate it anyway? How many times have you told your family you were on a strict diet and would not break it - and then you got 'caught' eating off your food plan? How many times have you said you were not to eat something and then when they saw you eating it and questioned you - you have them the look of death or verbally abused them or held them hostage with your tears?

Support begins with you. My support began with me.

I had to support what I said with what I did. When I had consistent physical integrity of eating on my plan and consistently turned away from the foods, quantities, locations or behaviors that are dangerous to me I also found the support I needed at home. It did not come overnight. I wanted to it be there immediately but that it not how it works. I needed to learn and practice what my life would be without the excess/addictive foods.

I had to become my own rock before my family could truly participate with me in my support. When I fell back into insane food behaviors last year/earlier this year, my family knew they could not put down the food for me. I had to do it myself. When I ate the wrong foods they did not chastise, complain or try to take it from me. They could love me and be ready to help me when I was ready to accept help. Then, when I reached for the help I needed they were there to take my hand and steady me.

My husband has over 30 years experience living with me but only the past seven years have been with the me who is practicing recovery from food addiction. He has seen me fall on my ass back into the food. He knows he cannot recover for me. He has seen the difference between me in recovery and me as a raving food addict. He likes me better food sober and sane. When he occasionally gets a yen for something that is not on my food program or when he is unaware that my addict within is on a roll, the support can falter. This is not his problem to cure. I have to be my own rock. Now that he has witnessed sustained efforts he is more likely to accept my needs as necessary and allow that I cannot handle brownies in the house anymore than he can handle a cat. (he is deathly allergic).

You are your rock. Play your part well and others will appreciate and understand their role in your support in time.

Are you your rock or do you expect others to do it for you?



Unknown said...

Hi Jane, I needed this message today. After 13 months in a row of not gaining weight. I gained approx. 4 pounds. It feels awful, but it does help to know that this has happened to you too, so that I don't feel alone in this feeling. And I can dig my way back out. Some of the pounds may be sodium/carb related, but I think that some are not. OMG--I can't believe how many mind games this involves!!! And you're right about being your own support--nobody is going to be there, except yourself, when you need it most. :D

Laura said...

Something I am just working on now ;)

It's so much EASIER to blame someone else! It's feels way better to scream and yell!

But then- the success the next day feels even better. :)

There is a lot to learn and those things are so so easy to forget when you have a "moment". It's amazing to me, for example, how many hours goes into learning how to avoid that brownie and how few seconds it takes to realize it's in your mouth.

I'm learning to be my own rock.

that TOPS lady said...

Both. If *I* don't do it, it won't happen, no matter how much someone tries to help me. However, sometimes I need that hand holding mine and supporting me, as I do it. :)

Cenandra said...

Hi Jane! I am my own rock. I have learned that I am only accountable to myself no one else. My husband will never understand what I go through nor will he ever see my addiction in its truest form.

I do get support from a group of ladies who lost weight on Nutrisystem and that helps me to be with them and to talk to them daily; however, its me who can get me out of a rut or a binge attack.

Gerri Helms said...

I am my own rock, but at the same time, when I join with other rocks, a very substantial fortress can be constructed. I've done just that.

I love your honesty, Jane. It gives us permission to share both the good and bad days. I'm grateful to be your friend, and fellow rock.