Friday, January 31, 2014

For a Moment There was a Feeling. . . . is it happy?

I wrote this title a several months ago and never wrote a post for it, letting it sit in the Drafts folder all this time. I looked at it today and realized for the first time just how depressed I was last year and how hard I worked to mask it from everyone, including myself. Then, one day, I started to find my happy place again and the more I dwell in that state of mind, the more I am enjoying life again.

That all started to change for the better with each week in therapy, (new therapist since July) and with each new idea I allowed into the steal trap of my brain - my brain that is so good at pushing good things away, out of fear, stubbornness and complacency.

I learned to embrace something I did not know I had: resilience.

I started to feel happy again. Not blogging as much during the process helped me focus on recovery and recovering, rather than dissecting the reporting on the process.

I've been feeling better for enough weeks that today I can look at this title and let it go. I am in contact with happy feelings again. I know happy and I am no longer trapped by sadness. If feelings are colors than I am wearing my technicolor dream coat without fear because passionate red and vibrant purple are on either side of the blues.

Today was a stressful workday outdoors, 42 degrees, constant rain, wind, and I forgot my gloves. I had this urge to eat something sugary - some chocolate-warm-gooey comfort food. Instead of stopping at the store,  I drove straight home, took the time to make a perfect cup of coffee and then had a ten minute nap before going to my next appointment. I felt refreshed and remain food sober for another day.

How are you handling those moments of wanting comfort food this winter?



downsizers said...

I really wanted to buy a bottle of wine when I went to the grocery yesterday. REALLY wanted to buy one. I know from past experience that I usually drink the whole bottle and then eat and eat and eat afterwards. I started playing that game of now I am over it and can have one small glass of wine in the evening. I know better. Left without the wine. Just left without it.

Rebecca said...

Sadly, I'm not handling them well at all. It is such a cold, brutal winter here, and I'm making horrible choices at times. But this season will pass, and I'll do the best I can with what remains of it.

Great job to you though for handling it well ;)

Jane Cartelli said...

Oh Myra, I think it is great that you didn't pick up that bottle. That game of over it is just a deathtrap.

Rebecca, when I lived up north winters my easy excuse for bad food choices. I fell into the idea that spring was to get ready for bathing suits and winter was simply when you stored up fat. - another reason I now live in Florida. At least now my winter days are fewer and less challenging than before.