Thursday, July 10, 2014

Faces from the Twilight Zone

Faces. The ones we show to the world are not always the ones we want the world to see. This reminds me of that Twilight Zone episode where the family members are all made to wear masks for a few hours to inherit grandpa's money. When midnight comes, they remove the masks and find that their faces have taken on the permanent features of the mask - their horrible true natures.

Do I hide my true face under a mask of intention? 

My mask of intention is the face I want to display to you, always and without any pretense. The reflection from that face would be honest, friendly, happy, vulnerable. compassionate, intelligent and considerate all the time. I can feel when I am donning this mask. I know this is not my real face - no one below the level of The Buddha can be all those things without deviation.  I learned I wore this mask I unless I was comfortable being vulnerable with a situation or a person.

Who sees what is under this mask? My family, my two mentors and therapist? Maybe one or two close friends? Do I see under this mask? I am not always privy to the face that lies beneath. At one time that face was hidden from me to save me from seeing my own reflection. I was not ready to 'face' (acknowledge) all the hurt, coveting, stinginess, deceit, anger, fear and hatred I believed it reflected. I certainly wasn't ready to see it wasn't as bad as I made it out to be.

Now I try to peel it away and let the world see me raw, exposed and vulnerable.  Sometimes it falls off and I do not notice it is gone and so the world sees I me as I am at that moment and only later do I realize how free and comfortable I felt without wearing the mask.

The mask is losing its usefulness in my life. I let it go now in hopes that it will fade away for good.


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