Every now and then there is a day when I feel like I've been body slammed into a wall and life is speeding by too fast or everything is all out of control and I start to want something to soothe my feelings. Soothe is the wrong word. Anesthetize is more accurate. I want to numb out.
I don't do it. I don't dive in. I don't measure out a serving. I don't give myself a nibble of a bite. I feel whatever it is that I have to feel that day. I allow myself to cry, feel sad, hurt, angry - I feel it. Later that day or the next day, or a few days later, whatever I needed to feel is done and I feel well and happy and whole again.
If I had picked up sugar the feelings would be buried but then I would feel bloated, fat, out of control and angry; always angry because I would know that anything I 'soothed' away with food will come back to slam me again someday, sometime because I did not deal with it properly.
When I don't anesthetize myself from the feelings they serve their purpose and when they are done, I feel better quickly - as long as I don't pick up.
The past couple of days have been hard. I have NOT picked up. Feelings are hitting me like a freight train. I will survive. This will pass.
I will not give in to the idea what a food can make me happy or take away my pain.
Because I have NOT given in to the addiction I can look forward to feeling better soon.
For this I am grateful.