Saturday, November 8, 2014

Some Days it Ain't Easy

Now that I have been faithful to my decision to give up sugar for almost 9 months I can see that most days it is very easy. I am pretty happy and I don't have sugar, add sugar, want sugar or need sugar.

Every now and then there is a day when I feel like I've been body slammed into a wall and life is speeding by too fast or everything is all out of control and I start to want something to soothe my feelings. Soothe is the wrong word. Anesthetize is more accurate.  I want to numb out.

I don't do it. I don't dive in. I don't measure out a serving. I don't give myself a nibble of a bite. I feel whatever it is that I have to feel that day. I allow myself to cry, feel sad, hurt, angry - I feel it. Later that day or the next day, or a few days later, whatever I needed to feel is done and I feel well and happy and whole again. 

If I had picked up sugar the feelings would be buried but then I would feel bloated, fat, out of control and angry; always angry because I would know that anything I 'soothed' away with food will come back to slam me again someday, sometime because I did not deal with it properly. 

When I don't anesthetize myself from the feelings they serve their purpose and when they are done, I feel better quickly - as long as I don't pick up. 

The past couple of days have been hard. I have NOT picked up.  Feelings are hitting me like a freight train. I will survive. This will pass. 

I will not give in to the idea what a food can make me happy or take away my pain. 

Because I have NOT given in to the addiction I can look forward to feeling better soon.

For this I am grateful.



Karen said...

Surf this wave, Jane. I stand strong with you. This time will come and go. Choosing not to use sugar is critical. Sending you strength and courage.

So happy that you are in a place where you can recognize it, name it, and not go back to the old ways.

Vickie said...

Great post.

I went thru that too. I would put myself in the bath tub or simply sit facing the wall/a blank slate and bawl. It was putting myself somewhere safe and then letting it out. Not crying because I was breaking the turn to food loop/habit, but crying over what had happened that was directing me toward that loop.

And then, taking this further, I started working HARD on what was going on in my life that gave me the feelings to turn to food. I think of this as the boundaries and priorities time. Worked hard with my therapist.

Yes, stuff still happens. Tough stuff. But most of what was happening, speaking for myself only, I was letting it happen by how I lived my life. I write a lot about being proactive. The more I got proactive, a lot of the little things got a lot less stressful. Yes, stuff still happens. In fact coming out of a super tough week this week. I had middle in the hospital (admitted through ER) most of the week, in her college town.

Jane Cartelli said...

Thank you both. I am hanging in there.
Vickie - how is Middle???

Vickie said...

Home, maybe doing better, not sure. Was really sick. And trying to get her thru end of semester. Very stressful.

PlumPetals said...

I can totally relate!
I can be very disciplined, but my sweet tooth is the hardest thing I have to deal with.

Karla said...

I never looked at it like that. Sugar as an addiction... wow it is though. I will think about this next time I reach for that bag of candy when I am in a stressful moment. ..... because that is the only time I want those foods is when I am stressing, mad, resentful or frustrated. Thank you for this post