Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Bartering for Something Else

Mindfulness is becoming aware. It is awareness with acceptance. Mindfulness does not include assignment of shame or guilt. That said - 

Mindfulness has made me aware of a behavior. That behavior is the bartering system of eating that I now recognize in both past and some continuing actions on my part. 

Cannot have sugar? Okay then, I can have pizza. 
Can't have flour? Okay then, I will have something else.
Cannot have cheese? Okay then, I will keep cream in my coffee.  
Can't have the half and half?  Okay then, give me something else. 
Cannot have dessert. Okay, then I will guzzle more diet soda. 
Can't be satisfied unless I have. Okay, then I will have SOMETHING so give me something else! 

Can't have works its way to okay to have. Substitutes are not acceptance and awareness. They are poor trade offs. They work against the peace I want in my way of eating, which I call my food sobriety. 

Sobriety begets Sober Living. Sober is not somber. Sober is fun and free and joyful even in the presence of disappointment and pain and even loss. Sober is worthy without the the need for substitutes that prop open the space left after removing the (name your particular 'alcoholic foods) 

When I take away - do I look for something to fill it? I have been looking for balance and symmetry so yes, I do. 

But so much in nature is better because it is not even and symmetrical. 

It's not that I can't have. It is what I want to have want to enjoy today: freedom from the obsession and the gifts of living differently than I did with food. 

I hope I will never barter the freedom and gifts away for something else. 



Unknown said...

Hi Jane, You are at your best. So much said in so few words. I especially like: somber v. sober, "alcoholic foods," the explanation of the bartering mind game.

Beth Ann said...

What a great post! I felt every word.