I was food sober and doing the happy dance. My weight remained steady - no loss but no gain. Then I was not okay. The positive attitude was replaced by depression and healthy repetitive behaviors were mocked by unhealthy repetitive habits. Perhaps you will recognize or identify with some of these: dressing to exercise and then not doing it. Filling the fridge with healthy fresh food and then throwing most of it out as it rots because you didn't eat the fresh food because you ordered in; because you filled up on pints of ice cream?
Starting over tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and feeling more and more like a failure. I fell away from my recovery program. I felt powerless as my world got smaller and smaller and my body got bigger and bigger. It was agony. My body reabsorbed pounds like a sponge in water. I regained a total of 70 pounds and have lost 20 of the little b@$t@rd$, so far.
Professional help for my emotions coupled with a continued effort in my recovery program is again leading to healthier actions, behaviors, patterns. Good repetition is so important in keeping the pounds off. I've tried all the other options and they don't work for me. I hope that I am done with the weight gain research.
Today I leave on the trip of a lifetime. I am off to Paris and London with a fellow friend who is keeping the pounds off she supports my recovery. I am looking forward to energizing my head, feeding my soul and returning home and returning to blogging.
Photos of the trip when I return.
Thank you to everyone who reached out during the silence. I was not in the headspace to respond but I want you to know I appreciates your trying to make contact over these past few months.