Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Not a Good Silence - But Getting Better

I was food sober and doing the happy dance. My weight remained steady - no loss but no gain. Then I was not okay. The positive attitude was replaced by depression and healthy repetitive behaviors were mocked by unhealthy repetitive habits. Perhaps you will recognize or identify with some of these:  dressing to exercise and then not doing it. Filling the fridge with healthy fresh food and then throwing most of it out as it rots because you didn't eat the fresh food because you ordered in; because you filled up on pints of ice cream?

Starting over tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and feeling more and more like a failure. I fell away from my recovery program. I felt powerless as my world got smaller and smaller and my body got bigger and bigger. It was agony. My body reabsorbed pounds like a sponge in water. I regained a total of 70 pounds and have lost 20 of the little b@$t@rd$, so far.

Professional help for my emotions coupled with a continued effort in my recovery program is again leading to healthier actions, behaviors, patterns. Good repetition is so important in keeping the pounds off. I've tried all the other options and they don't work for me. I hope that I am done with the weight gain research.

Today I leave on the trip of a lifetime. I am off to Paris and London with a fellow friend who is keeping the pounds off she supports my recovery. I am looking forward to energizing my head, feeding my soul and returning home and returning to blogging.

Photos of the trip when I return.

Thank you to everyone who reached out during the silence. I was not in the headspace to respond but I want you to know I appreciates your  trying to make contact over these past few months.



Karen said...

Hi Jane, sorry about my earlier comment using another google account (in the family, but student account!!).

Anyhow, welcome back. I'm wishing you all the strength, wisdom, and courage you need to stay food sober. At home and while traveling.

Super smart to choose a support person to travel with. Very, very wise.

My doc assures me that the 5-8 pounds of my weight gain that has gone directly to my hips and a$$ets are are the result of post menopause, post morbid obesity, and possibly stress related. I can control how I deal with the stress so I meditate a lot and take my camera to the beach and share with my support peeps.

Onward and here's to habit change and remaining in recovery for the next meal. Cheering for you and wishing you the best.

Vickie said...

Major hugs. Lots of them.

Enjoy your trip. Looking forward to hearing all about it.

Cheering for You said...

So glad to hear you are on a better path. I was doing some spiritual exercises related to my "food issues" and was encouraged to meditate on this: "what are you really hungry for?" Without missing a beat, my mind, heart, and spirit said: "adventure." So as a 50 year-old woman with an office job, I'm on the lookout for adventure. I believe the desires of our heart are divinely inspired and your trip to Paris and London sound awesome. Stay in the day and enjoy! Bon voyage!

Caron said...

Nice to hear from you again. Have a fantastic trip and let us know about it when you return. :)

Kathy said...

I don't think I have ever commented on your blog, but I read it all the time. Your silence spoke volumes. I have been where you have been way too many times too. Tomorrow (I know that mantra too well). I have said many a prayer for you. I so happy you posted, and it sounds as if you on a better road. Good Luck. I too will always be working on my food issues.

Vickie said...

Home again? Did all go well?

Jane Cartelli said...

Yes! It was the trip of the lifetime. I am working on getting it into words. I should just cheat and put up photos.

Vickie said...

We like photos!

Jordan said...

I have been following you for a few years, starting while I was losing 100 pounds, starting at 276. I spent a LOT of time reading weight loss bloggers, and then as I neared goal weight transitioned to reading bloggers who had succeeded. Then I thought I had it covered - and 2-3 years later, 75 of those pounds are back on! Among other things, I'm re-finding those (and new) weight loss bloggers to follow.